Piers just bought a chilli plant of all things.

We were at Sainsbury’s shopping for our dinner when he saw them for sale and got all excited.

Piers likes eating spicy food. His tolerance level is about on par with the average Singaporean, which is quite remarkable for an ang moh.

Anyway, our dinner was homemade burgers and he used his first chilli harvest in the patties.

When I went into the kitchen to take photos, I saw the amount of meat he was marinating.

“How many burgers are you planning to make, TEN??” I said.

“Don’t be silly,” he said, “This is two burgers.”

Do men overestimate their appetites or what?

He ended up making five patties with his 1kg (2.2 pounds) of meat, which is crazy, but I guess better than two patties weighing 500g each.

But then, he ate two of them, both totalling 454g (1 pound), so maybe he didn’t overestimate himself all that much, but that doesn’t make him any less crazy.

They were really delicious, though. Juicy and full of flavour.

I only ate one and I was so full up I couldn’t eat my curly fries after it.

Thick fat burgers always look deceptively manageable, so don’t underestimate them.

On a side note, I love Sainbury’s because I got my pink eggs there!

Okay they’re not really pink. Only the container is pink. But that’s good enough, I suppose.

They’re supposed to be good for baking (I don’t know how) but I’m not using them for baking (yet).

I have been slowly pinkifying Piers’ apartment, putting cutesy decorations here and there, over time.

Recently, I made him buy a pink kitchen linen set consisting of oven gloves, apron and tea towels, saying that I’ve decided to become his personal cook for my new hobby, so I need them.

(It’s a nicer way of appointing him guinea pig for my food experiments but he doesn’t have to know that!)

I saw lovely pink cooking utensils at Waitrose recently. They’ve got like pink knives and spatulas and whatnot.

But I’m going back to Singapore in less than two weeks, so there isn’t much time left for me to indulge in my new hobbies (cooking and pinkifying Piers’ apartment).

Will buy the pink utensils next time I’m back in England! (Don’t tell Piers.)

I wonder if Bob will still be alive when I return in December.

Oh, Bob is the chilli plant. I’ve named him that cos Piers wants to call it Chilli Chill Chill but I think that’s a stupid name. Plants need proper names to feel normal so they don’t develop complexes as they grow up!

Keep your fingers crossed for Bob’s survival!

I’m taking a short break from Mallorca posts because I’ve been kinda busy shopping for my outfit for Piers’ annual company dinner.

It’s a black-tie event and I haven’t got anything with me in England, so I have to buy everything: Dress, shoes, bag, shawl, jewellery, maybe gloves.

I kind of left it too late. There’s nothing decent in the shops so I had to go online. The problem is, all the dresses I like that suit me are made to measure and will take a month to be delivered. Even the shoes I have my eye on are made to measure.

But the dinner is next week!

It’s very hard for me to find dresses because I don’t look good in bustiers, V-shape necks and halters, which basically describe the style of most evening gowns.

So I had to finally settle for this cheap ready-to-go dress. Ordered it two days ago and it arrived today, but it’s 10 inches too long (even though it’s XS / UK size 6) so I’ll have take it to the tailor.

Dress: USD84
Shipping: USD29
Tailoring: GBP30 (estimated)
Total: SGD200

Turned out not so cheap after all, for the quality. The stitching around the beads looks a bit poorly done.

But what is done is done and I have to wear it.

After shopping, there’s still the business of retouching my hair, threading my face and doing my nails.

Yep, very busy.

Actually, I wanted to talk about a cake today but got sidetracked, sorry.

The supermarkets in England carry very pretty cakes that look inedible because they look more like decorative items than food.

Piers assured me time and time again that they taste awful.

But I can’t help being drawn to them, especially this one.

Do not trust a cake that you can stand upright.

I made Piers buy it because neither of us had a birthday cake this year so we needed to make up for it.

It’s so pretty it makes you happy, doesn’t it?

It’s so pretty it shouldn’t be edible.

Cut along the dotted lines.

Please unwrap me. Cos no one else would.

We should have just left it alone as a decorative item.

It tastes awful.

The description says:

“A Madeira sponge cake layered with plum and raspberry jam and vanilla flavour frosting covered with soft icing and decorated with a sugar plaque and candy flower.”

This is how I would describe it:

“A dry and hard cake with cough-syrup-flavoured jam filling, wrapped in a fatally thick layer of icing so sweet you could go into anaphylactic shock if you tried to eat it.”

Do not judge a cake by it’s icing. And ribbons. And harmless-looking teddy bears.

Well, I have learnt my lesson now.

Next time, I will get Piers to buy the Hello Kitty one instead of the Forever Friends one.

I suppose I should feel proud for Singapore that you can find Singapore Noodles in almost every Asian restaurant menu in the UK (and probably in the USA as well).

Okay, except Japanese and Korean ones. They’re pretty specialised.

But go to a Thai or Vietnamese or Chinese or Malay restaurant and you’ll see Singapore Noodles. And Singapore would usually be the only country you see under the noodle category.

Sometimes they call it Singapore Fried Noodles, or other similar variations, but it’s all the same thing.

You know my beef with Singapore Noodles. There is no such thing in Singapore. Nothing in Singapore looks or tastes remotely like it.

Instead of feeling proud, I feel a bit embarrassed because people all over the world must think we like that atrocity and eat it all the time.

It’s a good thing that the guy who did the Wiki page on that dish knows what’s going on. Here, I quote:

The dish appears on the menu of almost all Chinese-style (mainly Cantonese-style) eateries in Hong Kong, the dish is also very popular in English, Australian and American Chinese cuisine. It is important to note that Singapore style noodles is not a cultural product of Singapore and is virtually non-existent in Singapore. Its naming may have been based on the stereotype that Singapore cuisine is generally spicy, and might have originated from an enterprising restaurateur eager to add a dash of exoticism to his menu.

How stupid is that?

I mean the fact that some stupid bloke created this stupid dish and used our country’s name in vain.

I think there should be some law that says you need to get permission to use a country’s name in your product. Otherwise, people all over the world could end up being confused and misled.

And how strange that people actually like Singapore Noodles. People who like it should go to Singapore for a gastronomic education, then you’ll not want to eat it again.

So what is wrong with Singapore Noodles in England?

Firstly, the noodle used is wrong. They call it rice noodle here. I’m not sure what we call it in Singapore because we don’t eat noodles like that in Singapore.

Secondly, curry powder is a key ingredient. We don’t usually use that in our fried noodles in Singapore.

It’s nothing like the delicious Curry Maggi Mee Goreng you can find in Malaysia, maybe also in Singapore but I think Malaysians do it better.

Okay, to be fair, I’ve only sampled Singapore Noodles once in Australia and once in England, but that’s already two times too many.

I’ve seen many variations, though, either in menu photos or at takeaway counters and they never look the least bit appealing, so I can never bring myself to augment my sampling data.

I recently tried it at a popular Chinese restaurant in the seaside town of Weymouth. It looks really good, actually. The first Singapore Fried Noodles I’ve seen in real life that looks edible.

But then I put it in my mouth and my appetite tendered its resignation.

Very strong curry power taste. Eew.

Noodle is soft and gross, a bit like overcooked cup noodles.

If only they’d use real vermicelli and give the curry powder a miss. It could actually taste decent.

Well, actually, I don’t know what real vermicelli is. Okay, they should just use what we use in Singapore, which is the white, thin and firm variety of vermicelli. Then it’ll be more like the sin chew bee hoon that Singapore Noodles supposedly took its inspiration from.

(And here’s another stupidity: Sin chew bee hoon does not originate from Singapore, either. It’s from Hong Kong or China, I’m not sure.)

Anyway, I can’t say for sure that all Singapore Noodles are disgusting, but I can’t be too optimistic about it, either.

I enjoyed the other stuff we ordered at the Chinese restaurant where I tried the Singapore noodles.

It’s called Ming Wah Restaurant and enjoys a thriving business.

It’s over an hour’s drive from where we live and Piers used to drive there just to buy one specific dish that he loves, the Crispy Shredded Beef.

It tastes exactly like sweet and sour pork does in Singapore, even though it’s beef. You can’t really taste the meat type anyway because the sauce is so strong. Ming Wah does it really well. The sauce is just the right blend of sweet and sour and the batter remains crispy to the end.

It was Piers’ first time eating in the restaurant. He always used to do takeaways, so he’s used to eating the beef a bit soggy. And he would buy four boxes each time to store in the fridge and eat cold over the next few days.

So used is he to the dish being cold and soggy that he was actually disappointed by the crispy, hot version.

Crazy ang moh!

Okay, side track a bit first. Here are the other things we ate at Wing Wah:

Fried wan ton, king prawns in batter, salt and pepper squid

I loved the fried wan ton. It’s fried in the thin popiah skin which is my favourite kind. The prawn filling was generous, but the prawn had a bit of a too-strong taste, like either not too fresh or didn’t get cleaned properly. But you get that sometimes in dim sum, and I’m not too bothered by it.

The king prawns in batter could be crispier, but otherwise quite tasty. The prawns were nice and fresh.

The salt and pepper squid was a bit tasteless, although the fried garlic it came covered in was fragrant and sweet.

Hot and sour soup

There was way too much vinegar in the soup (perhaps too much sugar as well), but it could have been the perfect hot and sour soup. The ingredients were generous and the consistency of the soup was nicely thick.

Egg fried rice

This rice went very well with the Crispy Shredded beef. The taste was almost plain but it had a light eggy fragrance which made it a great complement to strong-tasting dishes.

Anyway, this isn’t meant to be a food review, but some people seem to feel disappointed when I post food pictures and don’t describe them a bit, so there you go.

Now, about Singapore noodles. We didn’t finish our noodles that night because we were too full from the other dishes, so we decided to take it home.

I didn’t like it, but it was still edible if you locked up your taste buds when doing the deed, and not as gross as I had described it. (I was just trying to emphasize that it’s really no good at all as a noodle dish.)

I had it for lunch. Refried it with an egg and a dab of hoisin sauce. Then, ate it with Thai sweet chilli sauce. The curry taste was almost lost so that was good. Noodles were still sickeningly soft, but that can’t be helped.

I showed Piers my noodles through webcam (he was at work) and told him what I did to it.

And he said, “Cool, you’re eating real Singapore noodles now!”

“Huh?” I said.

“Well, you cooked it and you’re a Singaporean, so that makes it Singapore noodles!”

A bit “duh”, since I didn’t cook it but merely reheated it and threw in a few things, but you see where I got the inspiration for my above cartoon from.

I’m sure, somewhere in the world, we can find genuinely tasty Singapore Noodles (just not in Singapore because, remember, Singapore Noodles do not exist in Singapore) but I’m also sure it’ll be tough going and I don’t think I’m up for the challenge of finding it.

I really can’t be bothered, anyhow, because there are a lot better and nicer things to eat than stupid curry-flavoured noodles.

Trust me.

I was quite surprised to find Bournemouth so cosmopolitan. We have easy access any kind of cuisine we want, many within walking distance, some a short drive away.

I’m so happy that Piers lives here because it is a very nice place to live in, being a beach resort town as well as a regional business centre. In a survey done in 2007, Bournemouth residents were found to be the happiest people in Britain.

Before coming here, I had thought I would be eating English food maybe 80% of the time. It turns out that we’re eating English food less than 10% of the time, mainly because English food is served in pubs and Piers doesn’t like going to pubs much because they can get pretty noisy.

And also because there’s so many other kinds of food to choose. Here’s a look at some of the “foreign” foods we’ve eaten recently.

Japanese

Nippon Inn
124 Charminster Road, Bournemouth, Dorset BH8 8UT

The food in Nippon Inn is decent. I’m not blown away but I might go there again if taken by a Japanese food craving. The service is really pleasant; we had two friendly and cute Japanese girls serving us.

Piers’ ramen was tasty but it was mostly chicken stock and soy sauce. The tofu salad was really nice but that was largely to do with the sesame dressing which I think you can buy at the supermarket.

My sushi just passed the mark of edible because the tobiko sushi tasted a bit funny, like, I can’t describe it, it was all at once sweet, sour and salty.

I think, mostly, I was impressed by the cute origami that came with our bill.

Spanish

Tapas Plus
53 Bourne Avenue, Bournemouth, Dorset BH2 6DW

Tapas is a special cuisine of appetisers originating in Spain. It’s like a culture, spending hours in a restaurant, chatting with your friends, drinking wine and munching away on assorted appetisers until you’re full or tired. You don’t order any main courses.

I like this kind of meal, almost like going to a buffet where you get to eat many kinds of food in one sitting.

I like Tapas Plus mainly because of the garlic prawns. Not only is the marinade tasty (although too oily), some of the prawns are stuffed full of ebiko (prawn roe). Piers will not touch the roe, which is lucky for me cos I get them all! Bwahahaha. Tastiest prawns I ever had, although a bit small.

Other than that, I find the other tapas dishes just okay. Some are downright bland and boring while others are tasty enough but not anything I would crave.

Still, I quite enjoy going there for a meal with Piers. We’ve gone there twice, both times when we had two hours to kill before a movie.

Greek

Romanzo Greek Taverna
87 Poole Road, Bournemouth BH4 9BB

This little Greek restaurant has a very homely feel with friendly service but I didn’t enjoy the main courses so much. The appetisers were great, though, so I would recommend ordering a selection of starters and skipping the mains, tapas style.

We had garlic prawns and garlic mushrooms for starters. They were excellent, tasting exactly the way garlic prawns and garlic mushrooms should taste.

For my main, I had a leg of lamb and Piers had some sort of stewed pork with rice. They looked pretty good but were quite bland in taste, with the meat being overcooked and dry.

Italian

Prezzo
58 Westover Road, Bournemouth, Dorset, BH1 2BZ

Prezzo is a huge chain of Italian restaurants in the UK and the price is quite cheap for the standard of food (and the decor and ambience), with the main courses averaging £10 each.

Piers really enjoyed his spicy beef pizza. One of the most enjoyable pizzas he’s had, apparently. I found it a bit bland but then I only had a very small sampling. He said there were bits that were really tasty, and every bite was kind of different.

I was in a healthy mood that night, so ordered a pollo al funghi (chargrilled chicken breast with field mushrooms and baby spinach in a marsala wine sauce). The wine sauce was really tasty so that even though my chicken breast was overcooked and dry, I enjoyed my meal very much and would order the meal again.

Okay, that’s quite enough food for today.

More cuisines coming up soon!

Sponsored Post

Today’s post is about hunger!

Yes, what a great topic to talk about. So, let’s talk about when I’m hungry.

When I’m hungry, I turn into one of three things:

1. A self-pitying rock

It’s late and I’m tired and I should be sleeping. But my stomach is growling something fierce. Too hungry to sleep, too tired to eat. I lie in bed like a rock, immovable and bemoaning the tragic irony of life.

2. A wilting flower

If I get hungry when I’m outside, I can’t lie down like a rock or people will throw stones at me. So I float about weakly in search of food, at risk of blowing away at the slightest breeze.

3. A monster

Sometimes, I turn into a monster when I’m hungry. That is, a variation of cookie monster. Except I don’t like nomming cookies as much as barbequed chicken wings and Big Macs. Or pizza. Or chocolate.

What do you turn into when you’re hungry?

Not a scary monster, I hope. I know people who get grumpy and irritable when they’re hungry.

Okay, I get grumpy and irritable if my meal is significantly delayed and I grow increasingly hungry. For stupid reasons like mad traffic jams. That is really annoying.

Well, let’s see what American footballers turn into when they’re hungry!

Watch this…

It’s funny! Although I had to watch it twice to get it because I didn’t know what the theme was the first time.

It gave me such a craving, though.

I started getting hungry when I watched the commercial and then even hungrier when I checked out the Snickers Hungerlings Attack website.

I was at my laptop, it was morning and I was wondering what to eat for breakfast. I was thinking cereal.

I browsed around the website and played the Hungerlings Attack game and then I started getting really hungry for Snickers.

I MSNed Piers, who was at work, and said, “I need Snickers!!”

A few hours later, during lunchtime, he delivered two Snickers bars to me! Such a happy day!

Eating it while playing the Hungerlings Attack game helped me get a good score.

Actually, I don’t know whether it’s a good score or not. I just think it must be pretty decent because I played 10 or 12 games and feel that I can’t do any better anymore.

Go give it a try and see if you can beat my score!

In the game, you’re a Hungerling (like a hungry monster) and you won’t be sated until you manage to grab and eat 10 Snickers bars.

It doesn’t take long to play. Less than half a minute per game. And you could win cool prizes if you get the best score during each contest period!

The contest ends at June 13 so you still have a week to perfect your score. No purchase or anything required so why not give it a go?

Good luck!

Oops. Did I make you hungry, too? =P