I haven’t disappeared! Still here, but extremely busy spending time with my best friend Wen (I used to call her Nanny Wen but I think that nickname is old now, so I need to think of another one) and her boyfriend.
They have come to England to visit me and Piers, although not so much him, I think, heh, because Goofy Wen and Piers bicker all the time, disagreeing with each other’s accents and food choices and lots of other miscellaneous things.
So, anyway, can’t blog much until they leave because they’re here for only a week more and we have PLACES TO GO and THINGS TO DO, as if we’re very happening people!
But we’re not, really. Silly Wen fell asleep at like 9:30 pm on a Saturday night; she’s useless after a glass or two of wine. So the rest of us just watched TV and then went to bed. Tsk!
Business will resume once they’ve gone and I’ve recovered sufficiently from the trauma of babysitting The Wen.
Yes, I just thought it was time for me to post a recent selfie to show that I haven’t grown horns or anything.
Although I suppose I could have just photoshopped the horns away and you’d be none the wiser. But let’s just assume that I haven’t got the skills to do that. I can just about erase the odd blemish and eye bag and wrinkle and… wait, what? I didn’t say anything. I’m not saying anything until I see my lawyer.
What respectable human being grows horns for no reason, anyway?
So, selfie, sans horn!
Except I have cleverly cropped the top of my head off. Mwahaha.
And then very un-cleverly revealed all my tricks.
Speaking of horns, I just remembered I have a pair of cute reindeer antler hair clips I bought years ago. I was planning to wear them at Christmas but kept forgetting, and have forgotten three years in a row, or thereabouts.
Perhaps this year I will remember and then we can have a selfie with antlers.
Although when Piers found out my plans (to wear antlers at Christmas) he was, like, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So, I’m not sure he would let me out of the house with them on.
Only about eight months to find out.
Now I want to talk a bit about selfies. They’re a funny bit of modern culture that makes me very uncomfortable. I mean, selfies are blatant attention-seeking devices, right? Who would post a selfie other than to say, “Look at me and give me some attention, dammit?”
But go ask anyone, “Do you like attention-seeking people?” I’m going to bet you the answer is no. In fact, you know the answer is no without having to ask.
So why is it that, when someone posts a selfie anywhere, they get likes and compliments GALORE?
Here, look at this.
A selfie appears on my Facebook feed. I get 112 likes. And it wasn’t even a proper selfie post. I was just changing my profile back to an old picture I had already used before.
On the contrary, a blog post link, accompanied by a nice little cartoon, gets three likes.
Ok, I did manipulate the data a bit by picking out two extreme instances but the fact generally is that selfie posts get WAY MORE likes and comments than any other posts (except engagement and pregnancy announcements).
It’s almost enough to make me quit blogging altogether and just post selfies all day long.
But, like I said, it makes me very uncomfortable.
Why do people claim not to like attention-seekers yet give them so much attention?
A lot has been written on this subject. A lot of psychobabble about self-esteem, and a lot of rants about selfies destroying the universe. I don’t want to add to that. Well, I do want to add that people are crazy and the world is crazy, and that’s about the size of it.
The selfie culture makes me uncomfortable because I was raised in an era and country of modesty and humility, which selfies are the burning antithesis of. I don’t want to post a single selfie if I am to be honest. I want to be admired for the work I do. But a lot more people seem to admire my selfies than my work, so it encourages me to propagate the selfie culture.
Which means that it’s all your fault.
When you like my selfies, it makes me feel better about the times you fail to like my blog posts, which I would have put a few thousand times more effort on.
Time spent writing this post: 5 hours.
Time spent taking this selfie: 5 seconds.
So, people, I don’t know, like, just do the right thing. Leave a comment to tell me I’m right (that you are messed up because you like selfies more than anything else)?
Do you know someone who is very indecisive, who changes their mind all the bloody time?
Of course you do. It’s me!
Maybe you were going to say: “Oh, yeah, Jack is like that” or “Hah, that’s Kate you’re talking about”.
Well, wrong. It’s all me. I’m the mind-changing undeciding fickle-minded champion.
You probably want some examples, so I’ve made a comic of myself.
But that’s rather tame. I’m sure I’m not the only one who suffers from indecision in the area of food selection, even when there’s a very narrow field of choices.
So, how about, I was planning to have a wedding ceremony last year but changed my mind just months before (by literally flipping a coin to decide). A year later, now, I’m still thinking about changing my mind.
Or how about I changed my name legally in 2003 and now I want to change it again.
Or how about when I was 17, I was about to enroll at a pre-university when they sent me home to get my GCE O-Level results slip because I’d forgotten it, but, on the way home, I decided that I’d rather be an actress. So, I didn’t return for the enrollment. Instead, I made an application to La Salle College of Drama. On the day of my audition for admittance, I skipped it and went to interview at a talent agency.
Or how about this blog post was inspired by the fact that I couldn’t for the longest time decide what to blog about after my big announcement on April 1st.
Well, I could go on and on but you’ll probably get bored.
Now, this post is kind of a long-winded way of explaining why I haven’t blogged for a year. I couldn’t decide whether to blog or not. I mean it’s not just that, but I’m not sure if I want to go into detail, so I’ve ended up making a whole post out of nothing.
Sorry LOL but I did make it up by drawing a comic. That must make up for everything, doesn’t it, in our perfect little world where people don’t circulate stupid hoaxes on Facebook or neighbours don’t steal your bar stools off stupid delivery men who don’t double check who they’re delivering to.
Yes, feeling good.
Now, your turn. Share your indecision stories, big or small! If they’re funny, maybe I’ll draw a comic of them. Or not.
We bring you news of the most trifling kind (in our opinion) which may potentially be of utmost importance to your species, although we can’t imagine why.
We announce the release of one piffling blogger, Sheylara, who has remained in our captivity care as of one year ago for the crime error of perpetuating an extremely garish pink blog, which hurt our eyes.
Sheylara has successfully completed a thorough treatment of brainwashing gentle counselling for the totality of one year, and been granted a probationary certification of sanity. She is hereby allowed to resume blogging on strict conditions of non-repeat.
Most sincerely but not yours,
Aliens (the most awesomest beings in the universe)
How can you tell when winter is over and spring officially starts in England?
I’ll tell you how. It turns bloody cold. The sun goes to sleep. You might even see pretty little snowflakes drifting in the air before a hail shower starts pouring down. (Although that depends which part of England you live in. This time last year, severe weather warnings were issued for snow storms in northwest England.)
And you break out the winter clothing you’d already packed away weeks ago.
And the daffodils that sprang up in the final weeks of winter start to die.
Don’t you love it when seasons do as they’re advertised?
In other news, things are moving forward. Piers finally agreed that we’d done enough work on the flat. It’s time to sell it so we can buy our new home!
Yesterday, he made appointments with four estate agents to come and value the flat. Then he came home after work and decided to rip up part of the toilet flooring (I really don’t know what he was doing; I was busy cooking dinner) as well as paint the toilet cistern.
I don’t know if its just him, or are all Englishmen crazy like that?
Anyway, our flat’s looking good now. The agents said on the phone that our area is in high demand so it shouldn’t take too long to move. Yay!
You might remember me mentioning that Piers and I are rubbish at keeping plants and flowers alive. We bought this decorative plant about a month ago:
It didn’t fare very well under our care.
In the end, I decided to just buy fake plants. They look good enough and I never have to water them and they never get all slimy and disgusting or dry and flaky. IS THAT NOT JUST AWESOME?!
My lovelies! I have a weakness for white flowers. They make me feel calm and happy. I love them so much I want to hug them to sleep! But that would be rather uncomfortable.
Okay, that’s enough blogging. I want to get back to my games! Yeah, as if I haven’t got enough things to do with my life, I’ve bought South Park: The Stick of Truth (PC) and The Bard’s Tale (iPad). Oh dear.