I always get melancholically introspective on New Year’s Eve. This year is no different.
Some years I’m out partying my head off, getting drunk during the big countdown. Other years I’m at home sullenly watching some new year countdown show or other, sullen not because I’m home on New Year’s Eve but because I hate countdown shows.
I am always forced to watch the blasted shows because someone or other at home will feel that it’s every human being’s sworn duty to watch the countdown show for no better reason than “What? It’s the COUNTDOWN show!” and therefore will have the TV tuned to the right channel even before the show starts.
I don’t like those shows because they are always the same every year. Crowds, fireworks, inane chatter, too much screaming, and nothing is remotely entertaining in the artistic sense and I can’t see my life or brain being bettered by them.
Ok I don’t want to spoil the mood by ranting about TV shows so I shall go back to talking about this melancholic introspectovirus I catch every year end. And I’ll tell you what I’m introspecting today.
Like I’ve mentioned again and again, I am of the belief that New Year’s Day is just another day similar to any other day in that the sun rises and then sets, but attached profound significance because of a sequence of numbers and the genius of capitalists.
In other words, it’s overhyped.
Therefore, I feel resentful of society’s insistence on having me take stock of my life this time of the year, making new resolutions and all that crap. Because, I DO feel the need to do such a thing every year and it annoys me how illogical and pressurising it is. And it’s also a useless endeavour because hardly anyone I know ever keeps their resolutions, unless they’re clever and make resolutions such as get more massages or eat more chocolate.
So I get all melancholic because I’m taking stock while being annoyed at myself for doing it and getting stressed, and resenting the deadline. Then the new year comes and I’m, like, NOOOOOO I’m not ready! I haven’t finished doing last year’s laundry!
The new year comes, anyway, regardless of my feelings about the matter and we continue to bumble on as we’ve always done before the big countdown, and it doesn’t matter whether you’d spent it drunk at a pub or sullen at home watching the countdown show, because nothing changes.
Nevertheless, I do have a list of new year’s resolutions in my head which I made a lifetime ago and have struggled to follow through the year and will continue to struggle to follow till the end of my time.
Because, while I don’t believe in the possibility of change at the turn of a clock, I believe in evolution. Not in the Big Bang sense, but in the sense that things do change, slowly and gradually, much like how your chilli plant dies a slow, silent death if you forget to feed it some water. (I’m sorry, Mr Chilli.)
So, my resolutions list can be summarised as follows: Strive to be a good person and live life as meaningfully and fully as possible.
It’s very difficult to be a good person. Someone who’s kind, empathetic, non-judgemental, believes in the good of the world and delights in bringing happiness to others.
Other people make it difficult for me to be nice. Countdown shows make it difficult. The weather makes it difficult. Bills make it difficult. There’s always something in the way. But I always try and try because that’s my perennial wish for the world. That everyone tries, too.