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Aug 13

Due to popular demand, I’m releasing the second part of my UK Funnies list earlier than I’d planned.

Yeah, I know, it’s a bit ironic posting a blog about the UK on Singapore’s National Day. It’s not planned. I’ve just been very busy with my new blog theme and this is the only post I have, written up and ready to publish.

Let’s get on with it, then!

 

1. Girls wearing next to nothing in winter

 

I am in awe of British girls (those who love their parties and love looking hot, at least). I always see them outside pubs and clubs, queueing, waiting for friends, or just hanging out.

And they’re always dressed in really sexy numbers – the kind that cause boob slips or ass peeks if the girl so much as sneezes.

Which is fine, as it’s standard party gear. But how they can wear those things outdoors in the middle of freezing sub-zero temperatures beats me senseless with a large cricket bat.

Please, somebody, teach me how to do that!

 

Freezing

 

2. The undecided measurement system

 

The UK is supposed to be a metric country. They metricated in 1965 and, in 1978, Parliament made it compulsory for relevant industries to adopt the metric system.

Food is labelled in grams, drinks in litres, and rulers measure in centimetres. It’s very official.

So why do road signs still show miles (and cars show mph), and people still order a pint of beer at the bar and then groan about putting on pounds?

Imperial system, go home! I don’t understand you!

 

What happened to your metric system?

 

3. Confusion over meals

 

In Singapore, everyone knows that breakfast is the first meal of the day, lunch is for mid-day and dinner’s at night.

Then we have tea break for the in-between times, and supper before bed-time.

In the UK, the lines are not so clear cut.

Some people do go by what I’m familiar with. But others have their own versions. For example, dinner means lunch, tea means dinner, and supper could mean dinner. It’s all very mind-boggling.

 

Miss Shey, can we have dinner?

 

By the way, you can learn more about British meal names here if you’re interested.

 

4. Can’t find whitening products here

 

I find it amusing how different cultures place opposing values on the same thing.

For example, in Southeast-Asia, fairness of skin is valued because, in the ancient past, only wealthy people had fair skin since they didn’t have to go out and toil under the hot sun for survival. This value has passed down into our genes so that even today, we generally consider fair-skinned people more attractive.

In Western countries, especially in the UK where the sun is an endangered species, tanned skin is valued because, in the past, only wealthy people could afford to go to exotic holiday locations to enjoy the sun and, as a result, get a healthy tan.

So, in Singapore, people are obsessed with getting fairer. Whitening products dominate beauty shelves. Girls use makeup lighter than their natural skin tone to look fairer (and some end up looking like uncooked dough).

In the UK, people are obsessed with getting tans. The word “whitening” does not exist here. Girls slather fake tan gels and powders all over themselves to look darker (and some end up looking like someone’s smashed a pumpkin in their face).

I find this opposition of values quite funny.

And also lamentable. Because I have to ship my Nivea Whitening Body Lotion from Thailand. (Note: Most whitening products don’t actually make you fairer; it’s just a myth created by the beauty industry. But I use this particular Nivea lotion because it’s the only one in the world that doesn’t make my skin feel greasy or sticky afterwards.)

 

Whitening vs. tanning

 

5. Saying “You alright?”

[Suggested by Salie Salleh]

 

A few months after living with Piers, I started getting annoyed with him because he was always asking me, “You alright?” Like, many times a day.

It seemed very obvious to me that I was all right because I felt and looked alright. We were in the honeymoon period of our relationship so everything was obviously great and brilliant. What could not be alright about me?

Later, I learnt that “You alright?” is the British way of saying, “Hello, how are you?” or even just “Hello.” And when asked it, you’re supposed to answer with, “Yeah, alright?” or along those lines.

But I can’t quite get used to it because “You alright?” means something different to me.

It means, “You look sad/diseased/dead. Are you okay?”

Every time I meet someone and they “you alright” me, my mind reflexively wonders, “What’s wrong with me?” before the thinking part tells me that it’s just a greeting. By which time it’s a bit late to answer back in a polite way because my face has conveyed to my greeter that a catastrophe has struck.

Or the greeter has walked off because he’s gone off to “you alright” someone else.

No wonder I don’t have many friends here.

 

Meeting and greeting in the UK

 

We will stop here for today.

I drew lots of multi-panel comics for this one because I couldn’t think of funny single-panel ones. Which means I’ve had to sacrifice a lot of gaming/sleeping time to produce this post, which means you should share it with all your friends tell everyone to read it and write lots of comments! :D

Thank you!

There will be more to come. I’ve got a long list, so come back again!

And Happy National Day to all Singaporeans!

 

_____________________________________________________________________
Previous chapter:

Strange, funny things in the UK — #1

Love, Sheylara
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Categories: Comics, Funny, Life

12 Responses to “Strange, funny things in the UK — #2”

  1. valarie says:

    You’ll fit right in in Australia then! :D

  2. Sheylara says:

    Erm… because of which?

  3. Bryan says:

    Hats off to them for executing 1. As a totally straight male, I have no complains there.

    4 is prob linked to their obsession with the sun.

    And 5 is more like “u ai-ight?” Although it’s more of a statement as they dont really care about whether you’re really alright or not.. just like a hello as u said

  4. Sheylara says:

    Haha. Yes, of course. I’m sure no one has any problems with sexily-dressed women, except ME, when I can’t do the same! :P

  5. Pepper says:

    I just love these comics!

    “How ya feel’en” has got to be the strangest greeting I hear (on a daily basis).

    UK is much better at the metric measurement standard than us here in the go ole’ USA. The US has been trying to go to the metric standard for 30 years now, but everything is still in both standards. m/km, inch/cm, meter/foot and so on. Talk about a lazy country. We don’t want one standard. We want them all. Keeps us from having to think. We just use the one standard we like best, removing the concept of “standards” all together.

    Dang American’s :P

  6. Sheylara says:

    Thank you! :) I don’t think many people like my comics so you’re one of the few special people who do! :D

    Well, the USA just enjoys being different from the rest of the world, doesn’t she? :P

  7. Pepper says:

    I’m sure I’m not the only one who loves your comics. :)

    America, a she? Yes! Finally, someone else who gets it! Amreica is a woman and she does what makes her happy :P

    Any plans for the weekend?

  8. Jesse says:

    Ok, seriously, this post was too funny. I’ve essentially been reading you out loud in the office :) Jesse x

  9. Lex says:

    Love the comics, the expression on the kids face when Ms. Sheylara says no dinner is soooo funny. Happy national day!

  10. Sheylara says:

    @Pepper: Well, I think not many people like my comics they always get way less likes than my other photos in Facebook! :P lol, yes, America is very liberated! For the weekend, I’m going to London for a day to celebrate Singapore’s National Day with a big bunch of other Singaporeans. Excited! :) What about you?

    @Jesse: Oh wow, thank you for reading my blog out loud in the office! I don’t deserve it oh my! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <– many many kisses! :D

    @Lex: Thank you very much! Great to see you again, Lex. It’s been a long, long time! :)

  11. Liz says:

    Entertaining read, exactly what I found strange and funny in the past too!

    One difference from Singapore — Eat-ins being more ex than take-outs

    Just a suggestion! :)

  12. Sheylara says:

    Thanks for the comment, Liz. :) but I’m not too sure what you mean by eat-ins being more expensive than take-outs. Is that in Singapore or UK? And do you mean the same restaurant or what..

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