It seems like Piers really appreciates the smoothness of my skin, seeing as he tries to compliment it every so often.
I happen to disagree with his assessment of my epidermic qualities but that is not the point of this story.
Piers, in fact, has once again one upped himself in the compliments department. (Also read the pumpkin story).
One night, as we lazed on the sofa together watching television, he gently stroked my arm and said, “Your skin is so smooth, like our new frying pan.”
I’m not sure how many of you girls out there would have wanted to wallop your boyfriends on the head with the frying pan he just tried to compare you to.
“A frying pan?” I said dangerously.
“What?” he said, looking quite innocent. “It IS very smooth,” then quickly added, “Which is why we bought it,” as if that was supposed to cement his argument.
I said, “You don’t compare girls to frying pans!”
“Why not?” he said.
“Because frying pans are… frying pans!!” I said
“And the good ones are really smooth!” he said.
It went on like this for a while. I decided to save my strength to prepare myself for being compared to a washing machine or lamp shade or whatever next.
That is not to say that Piers is not a good boyfriend, notwithstanding his penchant for comparing his girlfriend to household items.
Piers is as useful as a rowboat. Because rowboats take people places and Piers does that too, like taking me to the movies. And he does it very well.
Actually, I wish to amend my former statement. Piers is more useful than a rowboat because rowboats don’t buy you popcorn and soft drinks, too.
And that’s how we compliment boyfriends, right?