The trouble with bikini shopping

I’ve been really busy lately (which explains why my blogs have been coming a bit slow).

More specifically, I’ve been really busy shopping.

Even more specifically, I’ve been really busy shopping for bikinis.

 

 

Bikini
Bikini from Simply Beach.

 

 

Shopping for bikinis is a colossal task of epic proportions, inversely proportionate to the proportions that the bikinis in question are tasked to contain.

In other words, the task is huge because the proportions are tiny.

In more words, I’ve been doing a favour to mankind by avoiding being seen in a swimsuit since puberty.

I’ve never had to worry about bikini shopping because I normally just beg off swimming or beach outings. We have a lot better things to do in Singapore than patiently sit on a piece of towel and grow skin cancer cells.

 

 

Sun bathing comic

 

 

But, this month, I’m going to Mallorca (pronounced mah-yor-ka), a holiday island in the Mediterranean Sea that belongs to Spain, with Piers and his extended family. And I don’t want everyone to think that I’m a hypochondriac recluse by hiding indoors all day when everyone’s out enjoying the sun by the pool or beach, never mind that I am a hypochondriac recluse in fact.

So, I need a swimsuit like everyone else. A proper bikini, because that’s what everyone wears, and none of those granny-style swimsuits that make men wish they’d stayed home that day and never gone to the beach.

Then again, me in a bikini probably inspires the same thought but I figure it’s a lesser evil.

If nothing else, I can always be counted on to dress appropriately for the occasion.

I did toy with the idea of just wearing shorts and t-shirts and pretending that I’m allergic to water or something. But even that might foster the impression of hypochondriac reclusivity, so I decided to just go to heck.

Meaning, I have an excuse to go shopping and Piers can’t say, “You already have enough clothes, dear!”

And he can’t blame me if, along the way, I also pick up a dress or ten, and a half dozen necklaces. And maybe a few pairs of shoes. And don’t forget bracelets because the wrists need loving too. Maybe some handbags to go.

Because having the appropriate outfits with matching effects is very crucial for a successful holiday.

 

 

Beach kaftan
Beach kaftan from Simply Beach.

 

 

(By the way, this is not advertising. Just happens to be the shop I bought some of my beach clothes from.)

 

I won’t say how much I’ve spent in the last 10 days because Piers reads my blog. Not that I’m spending his money or anything like that, but boyfriends have a funny way of insisting that you really don’t need another little black dress because they can’t tell the 10 that you already have apart, anyway.

What do they know, really?

So that’s what I have been busy with. You must understand that shopping for bikinis is very time consuming and frustrating for some people, due to the challenging nature of trying to fill a specific shape with nothing.

For some reason, they only make gorgeous bikinis for women with Barbie doll proportions. If your proportions resemble Ken more than Barbie, you have to settle for uglier, plainer designs that make you think maybe swimsuit designers have a shady deal going on with plastic surgeons.

But, after sifting through mountains of photos, I finally settled for less just to end the misery, so now I am done shopping and can get on with my life, which usually involves a bit of blogging and a lot of shopping.

Well, if you don’t tell Piers, I won’t.

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9 thoughts on “The trouble with bikini shopping

  1. “And he can’t blame me if, along the way, I also pick up a dress or ten, and a half dozen necklaces. And maybe a few pairs of shoes. And don’t forget bracelets because the wrists need loving too. Maybe some handbags to go. ”

    ^^^^
    Don’t be fooled into thinking she’s exaggerating. This is all TRUE!

  2. Hahahaha @Piers. That’s a woman for ya!
    And good going, Sheylara! I remember some years ago when you didn’t used to shop!

  3. @Sheylara: Well, at least now you’ve got a good excuse. A trip to the Mediterranean’s definitely not something people get to do every day, so you SHOULD wear things you don’t wear every day. And who knows, with any luck, we readers may be treated to some beautiful pics of other than the scenery *winks* Have fun, yeah?:D

  4. I love your post! I can totally relate – not just the shopping part, but the hiding my body from mankind part.
    And I agree with Pang Jie Jie. We are born to love pretty stuff… actually… who is born to love ugly things? XP

  5. enjoy your holiday in Mallorca! btw, can update me on what you see there? there are huge demos all around Spain and it’s nice get some real info on the ground

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