The Goonfather is singing along to the radio in the car.

“You’re all I need, my looooove, my Valentiiiiine…!”

He turns to me and says, “You’re my Valentine!”

“But it’s not February!” I say cheekily.

“Hey, February is a stupid month.”

“February is not a stupid month. It’s a great month.”

“It’s a stupid month.”

“But the first time we met was in February!”

“February is an excellent month!”

“You’re such a bullshitter.”

We have a guest reviewer today!

Pretty Minou kidnapped my copy of Overlord II, so I threatened to drown her with Morte’s lame jokes unless she submitted a review for GGF.

Here’s an example of Morte’s lameness:

Some time back, I e-mailed everyone this photo of the freaking best bento in the whole wide world.

I also showed them this photo of the freaking best cookies in the whole wide world.

Courtesy of this amazingly talented lady who has, since I discovered her site early this year, created tons more freaking best eats in the whole wide world.

Anyway, to come back to the story, Minou replied my group e-mail saying, “Wow, where did they get the cutter for the cookies?”

And Morte replied, “I can use my teeth to cut out the rabid shapes also. :)”

Well, using Morte as a threat works pretty well.

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Table of Contents

1. Be the Overlord of whacking cute critters
2. Time Wasters by Swordplay
3. Win weekly giveaways on Xbox Facebook
4. How being a gamer helps you at work
5. Bad Game English
6. Results of last week’s contest
7. Win a miniature Porsche 911 Carrera S!

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Be the Overlord of whacking cute critters

Overlord II (Xbox 360): Impressions

I spied the Overlord II disc in Sheylara’s room, still in pristine condition, and squirreled it into my bag before Morte, who had wanted to borrow it, knew about it.

In return, I am writing this.

Overlord II starts off with you learning to whack snowmen and then getting your minions to whack more snowmen. You also learn to light fireworks to wreck mayhem in your home village. And while doing all that whacking, throw in some clobbering of kids and rabbits that are running around.

That’s how I found myself destroying snowmen and eventually stealing children’s clothes off their backs so that my minions can sneak into town with me.

I suppose evil has to start young.

The game quickly progresses to the point where you, the Overlord, are now all grown up and return to the village of your youth. You learn about “Life Force”, which you harvest from creatures you have killed, allowing you to summon more minions from gates that are scattered around.

If one of your poor minions die, never fear! You can summon him back via one of these gates.

Unfortunately, that’s when the game starts losing its appeal for me. My first lesson in killing creatures was… killing baby seals!!! How can I kill such cute and lovable creatures?

My husband (Kerrendor) took over the controls and started shouting, “Die, Shirotans!” while going around terrorising the poor baby seals.

Minou’s Shirotan collection.

And then you get a bunch of elves that keep shouting things like:

“Protect the fluffy ones!”

“You’re just jealous because your creatures aren’t fluffy.”

The elves look dubious to me, to be honest.

The controls are easy to learn and remember. There is a little map on the bottom left hand corner of the screen to indicate where you should go next, which helps to minimise aimless wanderings. But the camera angle is not very friendly even though you can adjust it to some extent. In caves or places with trees and hills, the camera tends to zoom in and out, which gave me motion sickness soon after.

Some people will like this game (e.g. Morte) because they get to play at being baddies. Morte is so hooked on it that he e-mailed us a video of one of the cinematics involving three women and one Overlord.

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Time Wasters by Swordplay

Swordplay is my pesky li’l bro who spends all his time playing time-wasting games. To make him a little bit more useful, I’m sitting on him and making him recommend one fun and simple web-based game each week.

Today’s game: Ginormo Sword

It’s basically an RPG grind boasting dinosaur-age graphics on a Flash player.

According to Swordplay, it’s quite addictive.

If you don’t believe him, read this funny review:

Ginormo Sword
Phat Lewtz

Did you lose your job, spouse and home due to your WoW addiction? Do you still have a psychological need for loot, but are too proud or too squeamish to give handjobs to random passersby to pay for your monthly subscription fee? Ginormo Sword is for you! This game provides the same dopamine-drip effect of your favorite MMO without any of the cost (or visual payoff). Ginormo is a single-player RPG (you always complained of how much the other players online were blabbering dumb shits, didn’t you?) that distills the genre to the bare essentials.

Read more…

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Win weekly giveaways on Xbox Facebook

Be part of a growing community that enjoys games together on the Xbox 360 Singapore fan page on Facebook!

You don’t even need to own an Xbox. Just join us and enjoy weekly giveaways of games and cool premiums, including limited edition ones!

In case you’re wondering, I help manage the fan page as part of my engagement as Xbox Ambassador for Singapore. So, be a fan, join me and say hi to me in the Discussion Board!

Take part in the first giveaway!

This week, win a Red Faction Guerilla Xbox 360 game, limited edition Heavy Walker figurines and collectible RFG handbooks.

Four prizes up for grabs! You need to be a fan of the Xbox 360 Singapore fan page to be eligible. The contest closes on National Day (Aug 9, 12 am), so HURRY!

And good luck!

Join the fan page here.

Join the giveaway here.

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How being a gamer helps you at work

I totally enjoyed this article, which lists six areas at work in which our video gaming skills are put to use.

It makes me feel so bonded with all my fellow gamers… which is YOU!

Well, read and smile.

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Bad Game English

I recently came across this awesome montage featuring tons of games from the past that have either bad grammar or just funny content.

Click to view whole image.

I don’t think I’ve played any of them but some of them are so famous they have become very endearing.

The president has been kidnapped by ninjas.

Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?

ROFLMAOsville.

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Results of last week’s contest

Okay, the totally apple-polishing peeps win this round.

How can I possibly NOT give the NERF Blasters to:

1. A future assasin-for-hire who has promised me free extermination services,

2. A future boss-killer who has promised me free bodyguard services,

and

3. A Matrix gangster wannabe who will gleefully help me KOS all the rats in my path?

Congratulations Kim, Moralis and Rykarx!!

You are going to be proud owners of this wondrous NERF N-Strike Recon CS-6 Blaster, soon!

Please e-mail me to remind me to give you the secret location for your loot drop.

Thanks!

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Win a miniature Porsche 911 Carrera S!

I have this little SuperCar Challenge souvenir here.

SuperCar Challenge is a PS3 exclusive title which is slated for release late August or early september, depending on where you get your news. It’s the sequel to Ferrari Challenge, which eplains the imbalance of cars in favour of Ferraris in the car list.

They should have just called it Ferrari Challenge 2.

Which makes it all the more weird that, when I opened the box, I saw a little Porsche 911 Carrera S in it.

Now, I know nothing about cars, so I can’t stake my life on the fact that this, indeed, is what I claim it is. I can’t even say for sure it’s a Porsche.

But I looked at the back and the words “Carrera S” were there.

So I did an Internet search on “Carrera S” and I found “Porsche 911 Carrera S”, with lots photos of the real thing looking exactly like my miniature.

So, I don’t know. And I don’t really care, to be honest. I just want to give this away!

If you want this mystery car, you can buy me dinner!

I’m just kidding.

You can just post a comment to say why you want it. Best answer wins!

In case there aren’t any good answers at all, I’ll randomise a winner out.

Bad answers are, like, for example, “I want this car just because I feel like winning a prize.”

That is just plain stupid.

Good answers are more like, “I want to win this miniature because it’s my dog’s 7th birthday and I can’t think of what to give him. I think he might enjoy a Porsche, especially if I douse it with beef sauce.”

Now, you can’t use that answer anymore, so don’t try to be smart.

Please submit all answers by August 14, 2009, 2359 hrs.

Yes!

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Good bye and Happy National Day!

It’s annoying how people spout clichés and popular truisms without considering what they really mean.

Life is never one-dimensional. Popular sayings, no matter how true they are at face value, can never fully address the complexity of the human condition.

Let me give you an example.

Consider the popular saying: “Just be yourself.”

You have probably said it at least once in your life, but the truth is that it doesn’t work. Whether the purpose is to console, encourage or advice, that saying is a load of crap. If you’ve been the recipient of the saying, you know it doesn’t work.

Here is some instant food for thought.

What if Person X were a psychotic homicidal maniac? Would you tell him to “just be himself” and inadvertently encourage him to go out on a killing rampage?

To offer a less extreme example, consider this scenario:

Anthony is a loser. He has been stuck in the same job and position for 10 years, can’t get a girlfriend, never gets invites to go anywhere, and mopes around the house during weekends.

Nobody likes him much because he has many undesirable qualities.

He’s tactless and offends people by being truthful. He doesn’t groom himself much because he doesn’t understand the need. He goes around with overgrown facial hair, bad breath and body odour.

He struggles in social situations because he just doesn’t know what to say to people. He was taught to be frugal from young, so he accepts treats from his colleagues but never thinks of reciprocating. He keeps to himself most of the time because he suffers from inferiority complex.

Now, Anthony’s second cousin has managed to set him up with a blind date this weekend. Anthony is understandably nervous. This isn’t his first blind date. He’s blown several in the past.

In some ways, he knows that people don’t like him much, but he doesn’t know why. As far as he’s concerned, he doesn’t lie or cheat or do things that hurt people so he thinks he’s alright.

But, now, he’s really desperate to have a relationship and live a happy, normal life like everyone else. He’d do anything to get a girlfriend. He wants to learn how to make himself more likable to girls. To people.

So he MSNs an online friend and asks for advice.

His friend says, “Relax. Just be yourself.”

Doesn’t that sound familiar? If someone admits to being nervous about a date or interview or meeting, the advice is always: “Relax. Just be yourself.”

How could this possibly help Anthony? Continuing to be himself, he will never get a girlfriend or lead a normal, happy life. He will find it hard to get anywhere in life.

He needs to change. But how does he change when people keep telling him to relax and just be himself?

Sure, sometimes “just be yourself” works. We certainly don’t want a society of pretenders. We want people to be genuine.

But the saying is overused and misused. It rolls off tongues easily, whether or not it makes sense in a given situation.

More often than not, “just be yourself” doesn’t work. Sometimes, people get nervous about a particular occasion because they have tried being themselves and it didn’t work.

Have you ever considered that?

So, next time, please, before using a cliché, any cliché, think about what it means and ask yourself whether it really helps.

By the way, I’m sorry if your name is Anthony. I don’t mean you, of course.

Once upon a time, there was a hugeass burger.

It wasn’t just huge in girth; it was also so thick you had to use the word “cram” to describe putting it in your mouth.

Five friends shared the burger.

They had told the waiter: “Please get the chef to cut the burger into five.”

The waiter had laughed before saying: “I think you all can’t finish it.”

It was a hugeass burger surrounded by a hugeass pile of fries sitting on a hugeass plate.

It was bigger than a spread palm.

One-fifth of the burger was almost as big as a regular burger. Depending on where you buy your regular burger, that is.

But it was so juicy, so tasty, so carnivorously decadent.

It was just perfect.

The five friends managed to clean up the plate… with some difficulty, because the amount of fries was insane.

Plus the fact that they had also ordered soup and pizza to go with the burger.

They were all very very very very very full after the meal.

When the waiter came back to clear the table, he was very surprised by the amazing gluttony of these five friends.

An hour later, they went for coffee and dessert at a next-door cafe, after which they lived fully ever after.

The end!

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The Empire State Burger can be found at Empire State @ #04-03 Iluma, Victoria Street.

It comes with a price tag of $29.90 but can feed four regular people comfortably (if you don’t order anything else).

The burger is more intimidating in life than it looks in the photo cos you can’t see the height from the photo, so don’t attempt to eat the burger by yourself unless your name is Paul Ong.

(If anyone wants to attempt a Paul Ong, let me know. I will come and document it. =P)

By the way, half the menu items at Empire State are never available, so be prepared to be annoyed, but the burger is definitely worth the annoyance!

I thought this week’s Star Blog topic was kind of weird. Where did it come from?

I had a bit of trouble with it because it’s, like, every time I look at the topic, I do a double take kinda thing.

Anyway, I did manage to cough something out in the middle of the night, just meeting the deadline with hours to spare.

I wrote about wanting a pretty daughter with black hair and blue eyes.

In the comments section, we’re now discussing the advantages of crossbreeding and how evolution actually encourages it. (Well, okay, the discussion is mostly between Yoi and myself… cos he’s bored, I think.)

We’re even using games as examples. You know, like hybrid characters in RPGs?

That’s fun!

So, come read my piece and join in the discussion, why don’t you? =)