The senseless depression

I woke up this morning feeling depressed.

It’s one of those days when all the little things that niggle at your life suddenly rear up and scream for attention in unison.

It could be a tiny thing like that scratch on the corner of your mobile phone that’s been bugging you.

Or you didn’t like the way your hair looked when you woke up this morning.

By themselves, these trivial things don’t matter. Life goes on, so what?

But there are days when all these trivials decide to gang up and crowd your amygdala (the part of the brain that controls emotions) all at once, rendering you helpless and handicapped without reason.

You know you’re feeling depressed but you don’t really know why, so you search deep within yourself to ascertain the cause.

The answer comes back: “Cos you forgot to wash your favourite top last week so you can’t wear it today.”

And you’re, like, “What the hell?”

Why should anyone get depressed over that?

More answers come in:

“Cos you overslept by half an hour today.”

“Cos MRT commuters are so inconsiderate.”

And you’re, like, “Get out of here.”

You can’t comprehend the depression because the still sane part of you believes there is no reason to be depressed just because your room is a mess.

Yet, the soul has suddenly lost the ability to cope with trivials, the way an Aids victim has lost the ability to fight biological afflictions that are normally negligible.

When days like this happen, you want to curl up and die. But the annoyingly sane part of you says no, so you get out of the house and life goes on.

And then you spend $4.50, sit in a quiet cafe, and you blog.

And you blog about something entirely different from what you set out to blog about in the first place.

Damned brain.

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15 thoughts on “The senseless depression

  1. Avatar

    Haha, I feel the same way too, more frequent lately. It’s like nothing is going right and you driven to the poin where you are damn piss off with everytime around you. Maybe it’s stress, maybe I din have enough sleep or woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I duno what’s the reason or the cause, all I thought of is wishing that I have a baseball bat and go for a bashing spree…

  2. Avatar

    Well, your post reminds me of the song “The Little Things” by Danny Elfman, from the Wanted movie OST. Maybe it sums up your feelings, I don’t know.

    What a coherent piece of writing, though! I can only wish that one day I can write on par or better than you!

  3. Avatar

    We are facing the same feeling & emotion, except that I know why I felt this way hun.

    *bear hug*

  4. Avatar

    I know what you mean.

    Sometimes, when I wake up I know that immediately the day will not be good for me.
    Nothing I do seems right and things that brought me pleasure no longer make me happy. Anything Kerr does to comfort me will not work.
    This is when I wish I can curl up into a ball and sleep my life away. And yet that only makes the feeling worse.

  5. Avatar

    Reallifeman: No, of course not. :) Like I said, there are days when I just wake up and I am depressed for no reason. :P It’s just in my biological makeup, haha.

    tiger4: Sounds like you’re more angry than depressed. But then I can understand also. Sometimes I do get the angry-depressed mix and I feel like breaking something. But other times, it’s the stoned-depressed feeling. Just feel very stoned and lethargic and don’t want to do anything.

    -=}{oT~dEv1L 666=-: Hmm, I dunno that song. But thanks for the compliment! I’m sure you can write as well as you want to if you keep at it!

    Wang Wang: You know you can call us any time you need a listening ear! *big hugS*

    Mince Pye: I suppose it doesn’t. But at least you can do one of two things: Focus on it and feed on the pain, or take your mind off it by doing something distracting, since you know what it is. Random depression is stupid, cos it’s like an itch you can’t scratch and it’s lingering there and you can’t do anything about it because it won’t tell you what it is.

    Minou: Wow, your last line says exactly what I feel. “This is when I wish I can curl up into a ball and sleep my life away. And yet that only makes the feeling worse.”

  6. Avatar

    a general wind of bad feeling has blown into our lives. for the working class. it’s a good day to take MC…

  7. Avatar

    Hey monster,

    I totally understand how you feel. Guess it might be in our genetic make up. It’s something that it’s always at the back out our heads. There are some days that I want to lay in bed all day and all night with curtains pulled close and not talk to anyone. Just me in bed with a book. But well, can’t do that. Have to get to work….

  8. Avatar

    tiger4: Why Monday and Friday particularly?

    chak: Hmm… no MCs for me. :(

    Monster: Yeah, there are some days I succumb to it… just lie in bed and read all day. But at the end of it, I feel even worse cos I have left so much work undone, lol.

  9. Avatar

    tiger4: Monday blues I can understand. TGIF is happy mah… who gets stoned depressed on Fridays one? :P

    Actually me. Friday is the most stressful day of the week for me. Haha. :P

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