I was staring at my monitor, wondering what to blog about.

I mean, I have lots of material, like my Kuching trip, but I wanted to write something short and sweet. I was in meetings all day and didn’t have the time to blog until now.

So I said to the Goonfather, “Hey, give me a one-line joke so I can blog it before the night is over and then we can watch TV together.”

He thought about it quite seriously. He scratched his chin and furrowed his brows in concentration.

After a minute, he said, “Okay. Put up a big pink poster with the words ‘Coming Soon’”.

“And what’s coming soon?” I asked.

“I dunno,” he said. “You’ll think of something later.”

The Goonfather gets another *bish* tonight.

We’re talking about the classic seven deadly sins this week.

A study has shown that the top sin for men is lust, while the top sin for women is pride.

Well, pride isn’t my top, but it’s quite high on my list. And what of it? I don’t really see what’s so bad about pride. If you didn’t have a little bit of pride, you’d be suffering from low self-esteem and the world would pass you by.

But never mind that for now.

Want to know what my biggest deadly sin is? Click here.

The game of the week is Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars. I was quite surprised to see poster ads of the game at various bus-stops in Singapore.

This is the first time I’ve seen ads for a DS game in Singapore. So it must be quite something, huh?

Maybe it’s because the game features a Chinese main cast and all the characters in the game have slitty eyes. And Singapore, as everyone knows, is in China.

Not.

==================================================

Table of Contents

1. GTA: Chinatown Wars first impressions
2. Time Wasters by Swordplay
3. Singapore’s Biggest Halo Fan (video)
4. Funny quests in Guild Wars
5. Results of last week’s contest
6. Win 5 boxes of Norton AntiVirus 2009 Gaming Edition!!

==================================================

GTA: Chinatown Wars first impressions

I’m happy to get a new game for my Nintendo DS. I’m tired of playing Puzzle Quest on it. (Playing Puzzle Quest on the Xbox 360 is a lot cooler.)

So, Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars shall be my new MRT companion for the next few months. Yeah, it’s probably gonna take me at least that long to complete the game because I don’t take the MRT a lot, these days.

First impressions of the game: Excellent.

Everything you love about Grand Theft Auto is there. Well, except for a few little things, such as graphics. But this is a DS game, so if anyone wants to complain about the graphics, I will shoot him in the legs and run him over with my Rhino.

Yes, you can buy all kinds of funny vehicles in GTACW.

Even a hearse. LOLOLOL.

And a go-kart.

A bulldozer!! Hahahaha.

I’m sorry. I just find this very funny.

Of course, there are tons of speed demons you can buy, too.

Unfortunately, I’m only 3.6% into the game right now and can’t afford to buy anything. I have, like, $350. Most of the vehicles are still locked at this point, anyway.

In any case, the GTA series started off as having crappy graphics in the first place, so this DS instalment is no major infraction against the franchise.

It takes a bit of getting used to the top-down view, though, if you’ve been spoilt by the next-gen versions which last stopped at GTA4.

But the gameplay is as top-notch as you could want.

As in GTA4, you start off as an out-of-towner brought to Liberty City by fate. There, you unwittingly get entangled in a life of crime. Before long, you start to lose all morals because its so easy to steal cars, kill people and make a fortune being a criminal.

All the usual GTA goodness.

In Chinatown Wars, you play Huang Lee, a Chinese dude possessing the Western stereotype of Asians with slitty eyes and a funny forehead, but speaks with Western wit and sarcasm.

Most of the time, you use the D-pad to move around and fight people. Occsasionally, you get to enjoy the touch-screen capabilities of the DS.

For example, jacking a car requires you to poke at your screen to hotwire it.

To progress missions, you’ll sometimes be required to use your stylus (or your nails, if you have very sharp, pointy ones). One of the first things you’ll get to do, for example, is tap at a car windscreen to smash the glass and make an escape.

All that is rather cool. Who doesn’t love touch-screen? But I do find it mildly annoying having to pick up and put down my stylus repeatedly over the course of a game. (GTA games require a lot of coordination to drive vehicles or fight — there are even combos moves for combat — so it’s better to put the stylus down altogether when you don’t need it.

What’s great about GTACW, compared to other GTA games, is that you can teleport to a location if you’re doing a mission for the second time. That means, if you fail a mission and want to redo it, you can skip the cutscene and the travelling, and zip to the needed location instantly.

That saves a lot of time.

Oh, another thing different. When you get cops on your tail, you can lose your wanted level by ramming into police cars or forcing them to crash themselves, effectively taking them out of the picture so that there’s no one left to chase you. Then you’re off the radar.

Well, I can’t say a lot more about the game since I’ve only spent maybe two hours on it. Reading some of the reviews out there, there’s a lot more fun stuff I haven’t uncovereed. But what I’ve seen so far is already good enough to keep me going.

[Back to Table of Contents]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Time Wasters by Swordplay

Swordplay is my pesky li’l bro who spends all his time playing time-wasting games. To make him a little bit more useful, I’m sitting on him and making him find and recommend one fun and simple web-based game each week.

Today’s recommendation:

Here’s a schizophrenic little game that will give you a few minutes of insane entertainment… if you’re good.

If you’re clueless, you’ll die within 42 seconds.

In Cursor Chaos, you’re given a series of simple tasks to do using only the four arrow keys and spacebar. You have to complete the task within about six seconds (which includes the time you need to spend figuring out what you need to do to complete the task).

If you fail, you lose one life. You have seven lives to get through 42 levels.

If you die prematurely, you get insulted by the game.

Haha.

My best score for now is 459. Can you beat my time? (Lower score = better.)

[Back to Table of Contents]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Singapore’s Biggest Halo Fan (video)

Here’s the video I said I would make a month ago. =P The finals of the Singapore’s Biggest Halo Fan competition. See what each of the five finalists did to convince us that they’re the biggest Halo fan in Singapore!

I thought they were all equally impressive but, as in all competitions, there can only be one winner, so.

Click here for more photos.

[Back to Table of Contents]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Funny quests in Guild Wars

I’m really surprised at how good Guild Wars is. I was never so impressed when playing the beta in 2003.

What I like most is the rich story and the way the game makes you feel part of it. At strategic points of main quests, you’ll get cutscenes in which you’re the leading character.

Whatever your character is wearing (or not wearing) at that moment is reflected in the cutscene, giving you a real sense of belonging in the story. If you’re grouped up with friends, you’ll see your friends in the cutscene, too.

The quests and dialogues in this game are actually worth the time reading. In fact, no other game has actually made me feel something for the NPCs and want to find out what happens to them next.

I also love the humour.

There’s this quest where I was supposed to help a city officer dispatch aid to homeless villagers.

He gave me a bunch of mirrors and made me look for three homeless villagers to give them to.

My first beneficiary wasn’t too grateful.

LOLOL. Ultimate funny.

The second villager said:

And the third:

“I appreciate you delivering this, but can you not see we have no need for such things? All of us have basically given up on the ministry when it comes to matters of survival. Thankfully, the emperor is much more attuned to the people and manages to provide for us.”

That’s not the end of it.

I went back to the officer to report my mission and he said:

Haha!

I love Guild Wars!

[Back to Table of Contents]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Results of last week’s contest

I guess the haiku contest was a little too tough. Only one person managed to do it correctly so, like, I didn’t have to do any judging~!!

Thanks, RN1209, for doing it correctly, and writing a pretty witty one, too. As a reward, you get an Xbox 360 laser pointer LED light keyring! Congratulations!

Here’s the winning entry:

No loot, you say, girl?
I suppose that’s no surprise…
Sneaky you are, yes?;)

— RN1209

I’m overlooking the smiley. And the dig. Cos it’s kinda funny. lol.

Please e-mail me about your prize! Thanks!

[Back to Table of Contents]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Win Norton AntiVirus 2009 Gaming Edition!!

WOAH WOAH WOAH!

I have FIVE boxes of Norton AntiVirus 2009 Gaming Edition to give away to five savvy gamers, courtesy of Symantec!

From protecting gold earned in MMORPGs to keeping malware at bay, Norton AntiVirus 2009 Gaming Edition is designed specifically for gaming. It’s fast and light on system resources, and never compromises the gaming experience.

How cool is that? An anti-virus software made specially for us! Each box has a commercial value of S$65, which is quite a reasonable price for one year’s worth of protection.

But, hey, you don’t have to pay even that because we’re giving it to you free! If you pass the tests, that is.

FIRST TEST

Answer the following questions correctly.

1. At the German Games Convention 2008, 16% of participants said they’d had a game account stolen by hackers.

a) No way!

b) True.

2. What exactly is Gamer Mode in Norton AntiVirus Gaming Edition?

a) The opposite of a younger brother: Won’t bother you while you’re in the middle of a game, but keeps you protected throughout.

b) Something that automatically suspends updates, alerts, and other background activities when the system goes into full screen mode.

c) All of the above.

3. What did I give the homeless villagers?

a) Mirrors.

b) Tin cans.

c) Food.

SECOND TEST

Prove that you’re a gamer.

I don’t care how you do it. Use words, text, image, video, sound or whatever you can think of. I’m quite flexible. Just do it!

THIRD TEST

Post all your answers here by April 2, 2009, 11:59 pm.

Five winners will be picked and announced next Friday. Good luck!

[Back to Table of Contents]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

YAy! It’s done!

We didn’t set out to see crocodiles, really. We only wanted to cross a lake.

Q: Why did the people cross the lake?

A: To get to the other side (preferably without an incident of crocodile molestation).

Certainly, crocodiles posed a threat to our safety, as advertised by a prominent sign at the jetty.

That warning is enthusiastically supported by another sign, at the docking station, reminding us to not feed the crocodiles our hands.

We were at Bako Village in Kuching, waiting to be taken by boat to Bako National Park, Sarawak’s oldest national park.

The village is basically a ferry terminal on one side and village residence on the other side. Crocodiles in between.

The villagers themselves operate the terminal and the boats.

After our tour guide finished with the paperwork, we got into our lifejackets and onto a boat.

Poor Lili (left) had an accident on our return trip but that’s another story.

Here’s Javad not heeding the safety sign:

Nicholas and Javad had front-row seats. Awesome. All the better to serve as meat shields for us ladies. (From the spray of sea water as the boat speeds along, that is.)

The other half of our party on another boat:

The boat ride was really fun. I used to be terrified of being in small vessels because they bob about crazily. I had gotten into a bumboat once and the rocking motion just about killed me.

I must have outgrown that. I totally loved this ride, especially feeling the wind on my face, sweeping my hair back, and a bit of sea spray giving me a free mineral facial.

And the clouds being some kind of wonderful.

And then things got a little exciting.

Our tour guide, Anastasia, suddenly hushed everyone and got the boatman to stop the engine.

Our boat drifted towards a big rubber tube thing floating on the water.

“Shh!” whispered Anastasia, “A crocodile!”

We couldn’t see it at first because it was lying still and flat on the rubber tube. But when we saw it, the cameras all came out.

It was frightening and fascinating at the same time. I’ve never been so near a wild crocodile. Would it lunge off the rubber tube and pounce at us?

Wait. Can crocodiles pounce?

It hardly moved the whole time it was sitting there, sunbathing on the rubber tube.

Wait, wait. Is it “sit” or “lie”? Poor crocodiles can only be in one position their whole lives. Their sit = stand = lie. Haha.

Its eyes are marble white!

And its tail is kinda cool with that serrated edge.

No one talked. We didn’t want to alert the crocodile to our presence. We just clicked our cameras nonstop.

It knew, anyway. After a minute or two, apparently sensing a change in its idyllic scenary, the crocodile suddenly slipped off the rubber tube and cut into the water, swift and silent.

“You’re all very lucky,” said Anastasia. “It’s not often that tourists get to see a crocodile out in the open.”

We were more than lucky, in fact.

On our way back, we came across a school of dolphins but they were too quick for us to catch with our cameras.

“You are so lucky!” Anastasia couldn’t stop beaming.

Aww.

The boat ride to Bako National Park took somewhere between 20 and 30 minutes, during which time Anastasia pointed out various interesting sights, such as the numerous seastacks on the coastline, featuring interesting patterns created by wave erosion and iron deposits.

It was an awesome experience, watching and learning.

And this was only the beginning.

To be continued…

My nightly going-to-bed routine goes like this:

• Turn off bedroom light.
• Turn off computer monitors.
• Lie down in bed.
• Set phone alarm.
• Turn on reading light and read a book till drowsy.

I didn’t get to read my book last night.

I had gotten into bed and picked up my iPhone to set the alarm. Because I was lying on my back, I naturally positioned the phone above my face so I could look at it.

While sliding the iPhone on, I somehow lost my grip on it and it fell right into my eye, the corner of the phone stabbing my right eye.

I shrieked.

Which startled the Goonfather awake. (He usually sleeps way before me.) He mumbled thickly, “What happened.”

I said, “I dropped my iPhone on my eye.”

It took a second for him to register what I said, and then he started laughing, the bastard.

I smacked him and called him an idiot.

My eye is fine, though, thanks for asking.

It wasn’t a very far drop. It just stung for a while, teared for a bit, and then it was fine.

Didn’t feel like reading anymore.

This morning, the Goonfather MSN’ed me: “You kena eye-phone!!! Hahaha.”

…