Get rich on used condoms

A thousand foreign workers will be moving in across the street from my apartment.

That’s okay. I was planning to sell my apartment and move out, anyway.

Oh, wait.

No one would want to buy my apartment now that they know they would have to be neighbours with foreigners of an unknown origin and dental habits.

Shucks. What am I going to do now? This is so going to dampen my plans to live a normal, happy life.

Continue reading…

You are the leftover omelette that attracts flies

I am currently mired in the deep funk that actors call post-production blues, even though production hasn’t technically ended because we still have scenes in Singapore.

I wish I could describe what it feels like but it’s so complex that it would fill a book and I’m certainly not going to write a book right now because I have some serious deadlines to meet (Star Blog and Xperts blog).

So here’s another old post from my first blog because I feel that it fits my current mood perfectly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The following post first appeared on Sheylara.com on Oct 18, 2004.

During the time I wrote it, I was playing The Sims 2. At that time, there was also bird flu in Malaysia so we were having a chicken and eggs crisis. And, by the way, in The Sims 2, you can perform an action called “woohoo”, which means an intimate coupling between two consenting adults.

An Omelette Story

Chong, as you all know, was recently emotionally and intellectually damaged by reservist.

So, let us monitor his progress for a moment.

Two days ago, I was chatting with him over MSN.

We were having a pleasant discussion about a gathering our group of friends were planning to have.

We’re going to celebrate Halloween and Oktoberfest at the end of this month and I was telling Chong that he should come despite his emotional and intellectual handicap. He said he would think about it and, in between that, we were also catching up on our lives and talking about Everquest II. It was all very happy and normal.

And then, out of the blue, he said:

“You are the leftover omelette that attracts flies.”

How was I to respond to that? What was I to think?

I was quite sure he wasn’t being mean or calling me names or anything negative like that because Chong is the kind of guy who wouldn’t call people names. He is nice like that.

Which left me to assume that his brain damage had reached a certain peak which bordered on dangerous and should be reported to your nearest MRT Station Control officer, pronto.

Now, it would explain things a bit if I mentioned that he has been playing The Sims 2. A lot.

But it does not explain why he was thinking about omelettes and flies in the middle of a happy, normal conversation with me.

Besides, when guys talk about Sims 2, all they want to talk about is woohoo.

You see how sad it all is?

Well, since Chong brought up the subject of omelettes (as opposed to woohoo) and I happen to know it isn’t wise to disagree with an emotionally/intellectually unstable guy, I said, “That’s nice.”

And we didn’t have any great incident and our conversation went on its normal, happy way.

But Chong’s omelette has inspired me to write some poetry because I love omelettes.

Actually, I hate poetry, but poetry is one of the few ways one can express one’s love, therefore I must write poetry.

Life is stupid that way.

So here’s my ode to omelettes.

If you like it, send me some money. If you hate it, blame Chong.

Here goes.

Leftover Omelette

Omelette, oh omelette.
You who are so delicious
and expensive
Made of expensive eggs, precious eggs, because of
bird flu
in Malaysia.

You are the remains of
yummy eggs, lovingly air-flown
from Australia
So skillfully cooked before, but now you are merely
yellow bits
with teeth marks

Because your eater left you, abandoned you, jilted you.

Green, noxious fumes now rise up over
you,
oh omelette
And the flies like that
Yes.
The flies like that.

Because

You are the leftover omelette that attracts flies

And I can’t eat you anymore.

Where’s Sheylara?

I’m now in Penang, in this cosy little resort, located at one remote end of Penang, called Lonely Pine Hotel. The beach is almost literally standing right outside our balcony. (It’s separated by a small swimming pool.)

The wireless network access provided by the resort didn’t work so I’m now using the wired access computers in the computer room at RM10 an hour. No photos today because it’ll be too much of a hassle to transfer them from my laptop and upload them.

I should be back in Singapore on Sunday.

After almost a week of struggling to get connected (and failing), I am feeling a little frustrated and a little out of touch with the rest of the world.

Of course, the other part of me is enjoying this little holiday. It has been such an incredible journey and I took so many photos (and some videos) I think I will probably go nuts choosing which ones to post.

Gotta go. Internet access is expensive (and dodgy) in hotels (even in tiny little backwater resorts) and I have more scenes to do, anyway.

Be back soon! :)

God is a Woman — Day 1

I wrote this post over two days on Notepad while travelling (and in between filming). It’s my third day in KL now but I feel like I’ve been here forever!

Because I have a lot of trouble getting an Internet connection in most of our filming locations and even at the hotel, even when I’m willing to pay for it, I can’t do on-the-spot live blogging in little bits as I originally planned.

So, here’s a delayed but extended blogcast.

Filming in KL — Day 1
Oct 6, 2008

9:20 am

I’m waiting at a bus-stop for my director to pick me up. I’m a little embarrassed about carrying so much stuff. I’m expecting him to gasp in shock when he arrives.

9:30 pm

He’s here and he’s not gasping at my baggage. Phew. We drive on to Maria’s place.

Maria is my co-actress and this is her on the right. She’s so pretty I could stare at her all day. ;)

9:50 am

After getting her, we shoot a short sequence.

And then I take over the wheel and drive us to the Tuas Checkpoint because our director wants to film me driving.

This is Kan Lume, our director, and an award-winning one at that. He’s framing a shot on his compact camera.

He’s a one-man-crew for this film because he enjoys DIY filmmaking. And we’re working on an experimental film with the working title of “God is a Woman”, about two women travelling to KL to seek their fortunes as models.

In the drivers’ seat, I manage to delay our trip by making two wrong turns, which is typical of me. (I had warned Kan beforehand and he was very aware of the risk of giving me the wheel.)

11:30 am

We get through both Singapore and JB checkpoints without much incident and stop at a nearby petrol station to shoot.

There’s a pink bus at the station. Cute!

I have a solo scene in a smelly male toilet while Maria has one in the car.

It’s really quite cool. I’ve never had an acting gig like that before, where we shoot while we’re travelling. Like a road trip movie.

It even feels like we’re really on a holiday.

12:20 pm

I’m now in the back seat of the car, trying not to get nauseous as I blog on my tiny MSI wind as we speed along the North-South Highway.

3 pm

We stop at a rest stop and Kan turns me and Maria into stuntwomen.

We climb up and down this treacherous hill (decorated with sneaky loose pebbles and mimosa) about three times. Kan sacrificed two of his t-shirts to protect our hands as we scrabble up and down the hill.

And then I get intimately acquainted with some tall prickly grass up on the hill.

What fun!

6 pm

We meet up with our Malaysian co-actors, Dean and Nash.

Dinner at a semi-posh Italian restaraunt which boasts strange toilet signage.

It takes me the second visit before I vaguely understand how either duck represents each gender.

8 pm

More filming at Dean’s apartment, which is just one minute walk away from Hotel Istana. Dean has wireless access so I snatch minutes in between shots to upload a short blog while the guys set up.

10 pm

Maria and I are released to check into our hotel rooms. OH MY WHAT A ROOM.

Maria and I have separate rooms.

Apparently, this hotel is a favourite among many dignitaries.

I have a view of the Petrnoas Twin Towers.

The broadband charges, though, are RM15 an hour. Might as well kill me now. Plus it is super problematic, with faulty network cables and dodgy connection.

2:15 am

I am ready to drop dead now but I have a restless sleep because I’m freezing. Turning the thermostat up by 10 degrees C doesn’t seem to do much.

5 am

RISE AND SHINE FOR DAY 2!

Fashion Diary #21: Pure Oasis

I’m gravitating towards simple dresses these days because I simply don’t have the time to come up with crazy fashion creations, mixing and matching too many items and risking looking like a circus freak.

So, dresses (and minimal frills) it is.

I’ve always wanted to have a dress I could wear to the beach but have never quite found the right one in all my years of searching. I think I have just found it!

This outside of this dress is a bit suede-like, you know, kinda fuzzy. Just thought that’s an interesting fact to highlight. And yes, the strap is part of the dress and does not belong to a bra, in case you’re wondering.

Photos by Justyn Olby.

Dress by Dressabelle.

Today’s Fashion Diary is sponsored by Dressabelle, a Singapore-based blogshop featuring tons of pretty dresses (and occasionally separate tops and bottoms), with new stock about once a week.

Such great timing that I found them at a time when I’m into dresses!

So, like, this time, I dragged Justyn down to the beach at East Coast Park to do this photoshoot for me (last week), and it’s like a zillion miles from his office. How nice of him!

Oh yeah, I wanted to bring a belt to wear with the dress but I forgot because I had to wake up at 6 am for the shoot and my brain doesn’t wake up that early.

Well, I think the dress turned out quite nice without the belt.