Oh, gawd.

[This post is rated M18 for violence. Please do not read it if you're under 18. Thanks.]

I must have been talking and thinking about games too much.

I just woke up from a horrible nightmare in which I was getting hunted by a group of people for an unknown reason.

Fortunately, they were coming at me one at a time and I managed to get hold of two smallish knives, so I was able to kill them slowly.

They took so long to die, though. Like, one of them refused to die even after I cut her head almost in two. I totally hate dreams like that. Everything was so vivid and I could feel the steel biting into flesh. OMG TOTALLY GROSS.

And the worst thing is… after they died, they turned into zombies and, like, I had to kill them all over again!!

But now they were coming at me as a team and I decided it was gonna be the end of me, so I ran.

And then, somehow, I got into the kill radar of another group, and the second half of the dream was spent hiding and running and hiding and running.

No, I haven’t been playing too much games. I haven’t had time, remember? Not even on a weekend!

Gotta run off for an audition now, followed by a rehearsal, followed by hanging out with my friends.

I guess I’ve had a really trying week.

Make that year.

No, make that life.

lol.

The irony of being a gaming writer/editor and generally working in the gaming industry is that one hardly gets to play games because one gets so busy with work.

I’m reading and writing about games more than I’m actually playing them, which is a dreadful shame. Can you believe that I’m only level 7 in Age of Conan and I got that game about 10 days ago?

Well, I suppose there’s always Rock Band. I try to keep my weekend evenings free to jam with my friends and we’d play till the wee hours of the morning.

I love my life, nevertheless (when I’m not being hassled by idiots).

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Table of Contents

1. Monsters invading my bedroom
2. Enter the World of Wifecraft
3. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part II
4. Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)
5. Someone won the mystery prize
6. Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!
7. Ask Sheylara
8. Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

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Monsters invading my bedroom

So, the Goonfather has been addicted to the silliest of games for over two weeks now, playing it every night before going to bed.

It’s one of those cheap arcade games you can download from the PlayStation 3 Network for a ridiculously low price, which just goes to show that it’s a silly game.

It’s called Pixel Junk Monsters, supposedly inspired by the ever-popular Tower Defense. The Goonfather claims that it’s gotten the whole world addicted to it.

You play this old man who looks like a cross between a tortoise and a spoon.

I am totally not joking.

Your whole sad mission in life is to repeatedly protect a bunch of ugly-looking baby freaks from getting eaten by wave after wave of invading monsters.

As a side note, I would like to comment that the monsters are infinitely better looking than the tortoise man and his sad babies.

Those freakish babies, may I inform you, do not add value at all to your existence as a tortoise man because they just jiggle around in a corner and don’t even lift a finger to help you (assuming they have fingers) and just meekly get eaten by monsters without putting up half a fight.

When I watch the game, I feel terribly sad for the tortoise man (who the Goonfather informed me is not actually a tortoise but a village chieftain wearing a shield on his back). Every second of the game, you’re making him scurry around the screen frantically, performing any one of the following tasks:

1. Turn trees into artillery towers to shoot at monsters that come close.
2. Pick up coins and gems dropped by dead monsters before they disappear.
3. Stand in a tower and do a silly awkward dance rivalling William Hung’s virgin performance. Towers get upgraded when you’ve danced long enough in them.
4. Unlock new artillery with the coins/gems you pick up.
5. Try not to get eaten by the monsters yourself.

It’s a simple game that’s not simple, if you get what I mean. The levels get harder and babies get eaten faster.

I don’t know about you, but I’d just let the babies get eaten and then I can wash my hands off ‘em and run off to Maui to relax on the beach with all the coins I picked up from the dead monsters.

I don’t know. Some people are just weird.

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Enter the World of Wifecraft

This video is a must-watch for everyone, gamer or not. While being kookily entertaining, it also explores a very serious social problem that has plagued humanity since MMORPGs were invented.

It’s the problem of spousal neglect resulting from MMORPG addiction. This video offers a solution… or not.

It’s not exactly rofl-funny, but it’s very, very amusing. I love how these men have name and guild tags above their heads! Haha!

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt II

Read Part I first

Sheylara and her new friend, Casilda, had been trekking through the jungle for a few hours now. Hot and thirsty, the girls decided to stop for a drink.

“Hey!” Casilda suddenly shouted out. “I know a shortcut to the city!”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“Well… it isn’t exactly the safest route.”

“Forget it, then. I don’t want to get hacked again.”

The girls were silent for a moment before Casilda ventured again. “If we took that shortcut, we could get there so much faster…”

“No.”

“But…”

“No.”

“I’ll help you beat away the mobs. C’mon.”

So, it was that Sheylara allowed herself to be talked into taking that shortcut.

As she stepped hesitantly through the arched opening, Sheylara had a feeling that something wasn’t right.

She was right.

“YUAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was the next thing she heard, and then…

“To arms! To arms!” cried Sheylara. “Flank my right!”

The intended recipient of her cries, unfortunately, had considered and promptly rejected Sheylara’s suggestion of strategic flanking, preferring instead to hang back and offer help by applauding.

“Oooh, fierce!” clapped Casilda, her eyes widening in both fear and delight.

“CASIIIIIILLLDAAAAAA!” shrieked Sheylara, and then she could speak no more.

“WTF,” said Sheylara’s corpse.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” fussed Casilda. “What a mess. You’ve got gore all over your new swimsuit.”

Sheylara would have strangled Casilda if her corpse had been able to move. “I am dead and you’re worried about gore on my swimsuit!?!?!”

“Awfully sorry, mate,” said Casilda. “I’ll, uh, I’ll keep watch here while you release and run back, okay?”

Muttering curses under her non-existent breath, Sheylara released back to her spawn point and started trekking back. She had half a mind to leave the dumb blonde to her own devices, but she needed someone to show her the way to Tortage.

Sighing wearily, Sheylara made her way back to Casilda.

“No more shortcuts!” demanded Sheylara, once kind-hearted and innocent, now still reasonably kind-hearted but not quite so innocent anymore.

“Alright, alright!” said Casilda amiably.

The scenic route to Tortage took the two girls the better half of the day but they eventually arrived at an impressively intimidating gateway.

“Oooh, the city of Tortage!” Sheylara sucked in a deep breath of awe.

Excitedly but reverently, Sheylara pushed open the gate and stepped through.

“What kind of city is this?” sputtered Sheylara. “There’s nothing but trees!”

“We’re not there yet. This is only the city perimeter.”

“Oh.”

The girls continued walking and came upon a road sign pointing the way to the city.

“I feel cheated,” said Sheylara. “I thought we were there already. I’m tired.”

“Aww, don’t,” Casilda said. “Tell you what, I’ll do your hair to make you feel better!”

“Well, I don’t…” began Sheylara.

She stopped abruptly as the real city gate of Tortage loomed before her.

“Is this is?” Sheylara eyed the structure suspiciously.

“Yes!” beamed Casilda.

“Ooh!” Sheylara danced with joy. “Let’s hurry! I’m dying for a cream soda!”

“But what about that hairdo?”

“I really don’t…”

“You want to look your best when you enter the city, don’t you? Think of the hundreds of barbarians you’re going to meet!”

“Well… okay.”

“Awesome!”

So, Casilda did magic with her fingers and transformed Sheylara into a new barbarian. Her job done, the sometimes hairstylist clapped her hands to her ample bosom and gushed proudly. “It’s sooooo beautiful!”

“Lemme see! Lemme see!” cried Sheylara as she skipped to the nearest pond to look.

“OMG,” said the relatively kind-hearted and still a little innocent Sheylara. “What have you done?! I’m a…”

“Blonde!” finished Casilda.

“But…but…”

“Haven’t you heard?” smiled Casilda sagely. “Blondes have more fun!”

(To be continued next week…)

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Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)

I know you guys can’t wait for the launch, so here’s a short teaser clip of the Ninja Gaiden II gameplay, showing Ryu Hayabusa fight his way to the first boss!

If you click on the screen to go to the YouTube page, you can select the high quality video option.

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Someone won the mystery prize

Last week, as a side contest, I invited readers to rank the three major consoles in answer to another reader’s question.

I am pleased to announce metal_spider as the winner of this contest!

Thank you for your answer. You win the mystery prize of a PSP pouch!

Front view:

Back view:

It’s a soft pouch. It looks crumpled because it’s new.

Congratulations, metal_spider!

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Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!

There is still time left to try and win yourself a Grand Theft Auto IV box for the Xbox 360!

Click here to read the rules if you’ve forgotten all about it.

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

ToughGuy asks an irrelevant question:

Will you marry me?

Sheylara Says:

Um…. no, not really. Awfully nice of you to ask, though. NEXT!!

Jason Ng asks an Xbox 360 question:

Can you recommend me some Xbox 360 games that are must-buy? Anything but FPS games cos I don’t like them.

Sheylara Says:

Here are some of the more popular non-FPS Xbox 360 titles:

Ninja Gaiden II (coming June 4)
Grand Theft Auto IV
Assassin’s Creed
Mass Effect
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Lost Odyssey

Why not try some FPS, though. The Halo series is one of the best-selling titles exclusive to the Xbox and it’s really a shame for an Xbox owner not to have played it. Try Halo 3, the latest in the series, at least!

Bunnie asks a Rock Band question:

I read that you play Rock Band. Can you share how to become better at playing it? I like it but always can’t catch up with the notes.

Sheylara Says:

Uh… how do you get better at anything? Practice lah. For any instrument you choose to play, start with the easiest songs on Easy mode. Play each song until you can get it almost perfect, then move on.

If there are segments that keep causing you to lose marks, go into Training mode and play the song on a slower speed. Gradually increase the speed and practice until you can play it with your eyes close.

Any specific questions and answers you want to read in Ask Sheylara? Well, ask Sheylara! You can use a pseudonym if you don’t want your name to be splashed all over here.

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Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

Why, yes, I just happen to have another game to give away this week, you lucky fellas!

I don’t want to make it a habit and spoil you, but I gotta give ‘em away as I get them, don’t I?

This week’s prize is a Ninja Gaiden II game, exclusive for the Xbox 360!

How to win this week’s prize

1. Tell me something funny or interesting you’ve encountered as a gamer, whether in real life or ingame (no word count requirement).
2. Post it in the comments here by June 3, 2008, 11:59 pm
3. A lucky draw will be conducted to pick a winner from all entries.

Once I’ve got a winner, I will contact you via e-mail immediately and try to arrange to give you your prize on June 4 so you can own the game on the very first day of game release!

Exciting, no?

Well, obviously, if the winner is from overseas, you’ll just have to wait till the prize gets mailed to you.

Now, get to it! This contest lasts only four days!

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I wonder if anyone ever reads this bit at the end.

Because Gamer Girl Friday is such a physically long entry, I have a thought that most people just stop reading halfway and go away. Some might read selectively by clicking on only the topics they’re interested in (since I’ve so helpfully incorporated a very convenient navigation system for yous).

Well, if no one’s reading this, should I be shortening my keyboard’s lifespan by typing away here just for the sake of having a last word?

That’s kind of a rhetorical question, but you can answer it if you like, if only to prove me wrong about there being no one reading this.

Have a fantastic weekend!

So, I think bloggers are a really scary breed of new media journalists. Since they don’t answer to anyone but themselves, they can afford to display higher than normal levels of curiosity and skepticism.

Also, without the need to rush back to the office to file a story, they can afford to hang around after an event to badger the product specialist.

Here’s what happens when you invite bloggers to your event.

Other things that happen include excessive camwhoring and badly-taken photographs.

Examples of camwhoring:

From left: DK, Jayden, Nadnut (front), Sabrina (back), Sheylara, Claudia, Precious

Surfing to Sheylara.com on the HTC Touch Diamond

Jayden was really pleased with the phone

Examples of badly-taken photographs:

The host of the event read off cue-cards the whole time

The HTC Touch Diamond tagline: Not too big, not too small

The talk was held in a very ostentatious ballroom

Examples of badly-taken camwhoring photographs:

Sheylara and Precious hang out in the toilet

Sheylara and Precious enjoy a lipstick break

Sidetrack a bit.

Some guys have asked why women like to take photos in the toilet.

That’s the wrong question.

The right question should be: Why do women like to take photos anywhere?

To which the answer is: Do women need a reason to do anything?

End of sidetrack.

I guess I should talk about the phone but I’m really tired now, so I’ll just do the point-form thingy.

What I like about the HTC Touch Diamond

• At the outset, HTC is already pretty well-known for producing reliable and function-rich PDA phones.
• It looks really sleek, with a glossy piano black surface and, as the tagline proclaims, is “not too big, not too small”.
• It runs on HSDPA for Internet connectivity and is the fastest you can get on mobile phones right now. I tried it. It’s really fast.
• The interface is kinda like the iPhone. You can use your finger or the attached stylus to grab stuff on/off the screen.
• It has a graphics processor! Which means watching videos on this phone is really sweet.
• When surfing the net, you can zoom in to read passages of text and the phone automatically wraps the text for you so you don’t have to scroll left-right!! And the zooming is instantaneous, no waiting for the browser to reload the page.
• It doesn’t allow external memory but has 4GB of storage, which I think is enough.
• When you’re in a phone conversation and pull out your stylus, the phone automatically displays a notepad so you can take notes.
• It has a built-in Google Maps GPS program so you will never need to get lost again!

A live demo of the phone’s Internet connectivity

What I don’t like about the HTC Touch Diamond

• The interface is kinda sluggish, with a 1-2 second delay, when you navigate the touch screen with your fingers. That problem seems to be minimised when you use the stylus, though.
• HTC claims that it has an intuitive interface that mimics tasks you do daily so you won’t need to read a menu to learn how to use the phone. But I wouldn’t say it’s immediately intuitive. Like, when I wanted to scroll through the phone book to watch the nifty animation, I ended up calling some guy, instead. Then I couldn’t figure out how to stop the call and go back to the phone book.
• It’s too expensive at $1098.

Well, in a nutshell, if I were really rich, I would definitely get it. (Wouldn’t we all?) The phone will be available for purchase in June this year.

I wonder if I can get HTC to sponsor me one! ;)

But I really enjoy attending media events because I get, if not free phones, then free food.

Farinelli couldn’t wait to dig into the food

There was actually a lot more food than this, but I was really, really hungry and decided to neglect my duties as a sometimes food blogger and just start eating.

Feed the hungry blogger!

Please invite me to more of such events because I’m really hungry.

lol.

After the event, some of us went on a bus field trip.

I shan’t tell you where we went!

lol.

I was hanging out with my friends the other night, talking about random stuff.

At one point, the Goonfather asked Wang Wang, “So, you want to watch Iron Man or not?”

“Yes yes yes!” said Wang Wang.

At which the Goonfather said, “Okay, later you go home, you ask your husband to iron some clothes.”

Then he pointed at Wang Wang’s husband, who was just in the next seat, and started laughing hysterically. “He will be your personal iron man! Hahahaha. Iron man!”

Lots of narrow eyes around.

Speaking of Iron Man, I don’t think anyone needs me to tell them that it’s a freaking awesome movie. In fact, I wasn’t really interested in watching it until I started getting influenced by all the good reviews circulating around.

There are, of course, bad reviews, too. But critics will be critics.

I totally loved the show. And I totally fell in love with Robert Downey Jr (again). He’s one of the most charismatic Hollywood actors, in my opinion, even though he seems to have aged immensely.

I’m not actually going to do a movie review. I hate writing movie reviews because it feels too much like work (used to write movie reviews in two of my past jobs).

In fact, I wasn’t planning to blog about this. I was going to post my blog about the HTC Touch Diamond but my YouTube video upload is taking forever, and I can’t post the blog without the video being successfully uploaded.

It’s been almost two hours now. Probably because I’m uploading a 487 MB file because I’m lazy to compress it. Haha.

So I’ll post that tomorrow.

And then I had to find something to talk about (quickly) in the meantime, so this was it.

Throw in a random photo of myself so that people won’t forget what I look like.

(That was me being ironic.)

And we’re done!

See you tomorrow!

Maybe I should say that’s it’s very disturbing that there’s even a category called “Nicest smelling” in Facebook’s Compare People application.

It raises an image in my mind of people going around sniffing one another.

I’ve been disturbed by this for some time.

Even more disturbing is the fact that I’ve been on top spot for “Nicest smelling” since, like, I installed this app, like, last year.

Of course, I am awfully flattered and glad that people think I’m nice smelling, which rules out the possibility that I’m nasty smelling, which is very nice, but who in the world is smelling me??

Looking through my list of 200+ friends on Facebook, many of whom I don’t really know but added anyway because I have like 20 friends in common with them so they must be someone I know but just can’t remember, I don’t have a memory of anyone actually coming up to me to smell me.

The craziest part is that I don’t even wear perfume.

I’m very sensitive to scents, and most perfumes give me a headache and a sore throat. There was once I just rubbed a paper perfume sample gently on my wrist and it made me feel sick the whole day.

I wonder what I’ve done to earn the honour of being “Nicest smelling”.

I guess I can’t do anything about it now except try my best to avoid contact with people I know, after a round of jogging, in order to avoid losing my spot.

If any of you ladies are taking part in Shape Run ’08, let me know. I’ll, uh, wear a mask. Or I might not even turn up because I’m so out of shape now. Urgh.

Today’s post has been brought to you by Dove Deodorant.

Just kidding. It hasn’t.

I don’t wear deodorant, either.