I want to kill myself but I’m too lazy (PG)

So, I was lying in bed for three hours, thinking about killing myself.

But it’s so much work and I’m too lazy.

I’m always thinking of effective ways to die. But suicide is either too painful or too troublesome, you know?

Throw myself at a speeding car? Not foolproof and could be bloody.

Lie on the road and wait for a vehicle to run over me? That’s gross. Innards flying all over. Severed limbs.

Jump into an MRT track? SMRT staff will curse me for eternity for giving them yet another mess to clean up.

Jump off a tall building? Too inconsiderate. Think of the people who have to clean up and the witnesses who will be traumatised for life.

Cut myself, stab myself, club myself? Too personal.

Overdose on panadol? Not foolproof and the nausea is worse than dying.

Carbon monoxide poisoning? Not sure how to rig it. Too troublesome.

Gas poisoning? I don’t live alone.

There is no good way at all to kill oneself.

The thought of having to plan a good suicide and actually getting up to do it makes me feel tired already. It’s not fun and I don’t like doing not-fun things.

And then, there are the moral aspects.

I don’t want to hurt the people I love who love me.

But I wonder.

How many people will grieve over my death?

I mean truly grieve. I don’t mean like, “Aw, such a pity she’s dead. How sad, I think I’ll miss her.” That’s bullshit. I mean grieve as in feel the pain of loss, the pain like a hole cut out of your heart that will never heal.

How many people will actually feel pained over the cessation of my existence?

I don’t know. I’m thinking maybe a handful, like family. Even then, I don’t see why they should even feel it. I don’t think I value-add anyone’s life. Not a one. Yes, I know I have family who loves me. But I don’t do shit for them. Nobody depends on me for anything. I can be gone and the value of their lives won’t change.

Well, sure, I know there are people who think I’m beautiful and talented and that my death would be a bloody waste. But I don’t think they will really grieve, you know? Maybe they’ll feel sad about it for a while because that’s human compassion, but I don’t think my death will cripple them or pain them.

Maybe a few people will blog about my death because it’s good blogging fodder, and they will say things like, “Oh, how sad, what a waste, I’ll miss reading her blog,” or “What a stupid bitch, good riddance.” But I don’t think they will really grieve. They will move on and, tomorrow, they will blog about monkeys in the desert.

My existence doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things so it’s not such a bad thing if I killed myself, is it?

Still, I can’t do it on the off-chance that there are actually people who will grieve.

Now, I know because this post talks about death and suicide, some of you will feel compelled to give me your two cents.

“Don’t kill yourself. It’s not worth it.”

“Don’t be a coward.”

“Life is beautiful. Embrace it, don’t lose it.”

“If u kill you’reself your goin strait to hell becuz god sez so its a sin.”

“can i hav all ur stuff????!!!11!!!!one1!!”

Don’t.

Because, firstly, I’m not going to kill myself. Duh.

Secondly, those words are meaningless. They’re obnoxious and insensitive. I don’t think anyone has the right to tell someone not to kill themselves, especially without having lived in that person’s shoes.

Sure, you can tell me not to. But then be prepared to shoulder all my burdens. Solve all my problems. Soothe all my pain. Give me money.

If you’re not prepared to do any of that, what right do you have to tell anyone not to die? Talk is cheap.

The only people who have the right are parents. “I fucking spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and zillions of hours of my life raising you to this point, you little shit. So you’d better not just up and throw it away on a whim, dammit!”

And then, there’s the aftermath to consider. I mean afterlife (or lack thereof).

Lack would be good. Then death would be a clean end to everything.

But life isn’t easy. I have no reason to believe that death would be any easier.

What if I became a restless ghost doomed for eternity to be bound to the very spot where I chose to take my own life?

That’s a really scary thought. I don’t want to hang out at the same bloody spot for eternity and have stupid humans walk through me or sit on me and I can’t scream at them because they can’t hear me or see me.

Even if they could feel my presence, I’m sure haunting people will get old after a while.

What if I got reincarnated as a cockroach as punishment for suicide? Well, cockroaches have really short lifespans so I guess it’s not too big a problem. But what if I keep getting reincarnated as a cockroach for eternity?

What if there’s really a hell?

What if death is worse than life?

Well, there are too many things to consider. Suicide is so troublesome and has so many consequences. I guess I won’t be doing it any time soon. I’m not free today, anyway. I have tons of work to do.

I guess it’ll have to wait.

Know someone who'd enjoy this post? Share it!
Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Pin on Pinterest
Pinterest
Share on Reddit
Reddit
Share on Tumblr
Tumblr
Email this to someone
email

107 thoughts on “I want to kill myself but I’m too lazy (PG)

  1. Avatar

    awww.. dun die… what am I going to do without you? heee

    on a more serious note… if you have that kind of inclination… errm, not very healthy…

    You need Help? Dr Wind is in da House… I am da health professional :P

    doesn’t sound like one hor :P

  2. Avatar

    oeii. snap out of it. haha. what lah. it’s saturday! even if u want to die, die on monday. enjoy the weekend. hahaha. :)

    *hugs* don’t think morbid stuff, dear. tc

  3. Avatar

    Hmm, btw, just when you are talking about ending your life, yesterday there was news about the abrupt death of MC King (I don’t know if you know him or not..). Many people were rather shocked and really really sad about this, because he’s brought lots of joy and laughters to many people.

    Well, if you have time and are interested to know more, you may want to view his blog, and his close friend’s.

    http://mcking13.spaces.live.com/
    http://972djyongmei.blogspot.com/

    Have a nice weekend!

  4. Avatar

    Wow. This was actually pretty interesting, and ironic, since I’ve been doing the same thing the past couple of days. Pretty much covers everything. Something that keeps coming into my thoughts is “Is it too selfish? Is it selfish at all?” It’s all to troublesome in the end.
    For some reason I have a “fascination,” so to speak, with knowing what it would be like if I died, either by suicide, some accident, or natural causes. I wish I could die and come back sometimes, and morbid as that seems, and be able to see the reactions of all my friends and family. Maybe I’m just too insecure.
    Anyway, this was a good read for me. Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks about this stuff.
    Best of luck to you in the upcoming year.

  5. Avatar

    desmond!!: Yup, I’ve seen this comic strip. I think it’s really well done and heartwarming. But, when I think about it deeper, I realise that it doesn’t make sense. Just because there are people around who are also suffering doesn’t make my suffering any less intense. Everyone has troubles, yes. But, so what? It has no bearings on my life. It just means that some people choose to live with the pain while others choose not to.

    Yes, I’ve heard/read about MC King’s passing. I’m sure his fans are all very sad to lose him. But I think they will recover soon enough. it’s his family and very close friends that will feel the pain for a very long time.

    Wind: Haha. I already said, I’m not dying. :P And, no, you don’t sound like da health professional. lol no offense.

    simon: Haha, ok the cartoons are kinda silly, quite creative, but not particularly entertaining.

    Daphne Maia: Haha. Thanks for your jovial message. I like that. I think people should always respond like that, with a touch of humour, to would-be-suiciders. (Not saying I’m one. I’m not!!) :P

    modchip: Thank you. :)

    Alice: Wow, I’m also glad to know that I’m not the only person thinking this kinda stuff. Thanks for sharing! :) But I’m different from you in the aspect of after death. I don’t want to come back at all and see family and friends. It would be too painful!

    When I’m at wakes, I always have this thought: We’re all sitting around this dead person, mourning for him, right? What if his soul is hovering about and he can see us? Wouldn’t it be the ultimate sad thing for him? To be so near all his loved ones and friends yet cannot interact with them. Wouldn’t he feel so alone? Wouldn’t his heart shatter into a million pieces to see his mother or wife crying for him 24/7? Wouldn’t he feel sad if he realises that his best friends didn’t come to the wake to “visit” him? Etc.

    When I’m at wakes, I feel really really really sad for the dead. I hope for them that death is the end and they can’t come back and see us.

  6. Avatar

    qiaoyun, why would you even think of suiciding? from you blog, you seen like a person with full of life. you have a acting career! how many people wanted that!

    usually people who suicide are people who is sick, financial problem, their lover left them..

    what’s your problem? you might want to discuss with your goonfather….

  7. Avatar

    Yeah, that’s true. It’s an interesting perspective I’ve never really thought about before. It would be really sad to see that, but in someways that would be the point. Just to see who cares enough to BE that way. Of course I’d only want to do that if I could back from the dead with this knowledge and live a normal fulfilling life, only knowing who really cares and who doesn’t as much and I thought they did (though that could be really painful as it is). xD But death doesn’t work that way, once you’re dead, you’re dead, which is probably a good selling point on both sides of suicide, depending on your life situation. On one hand you’re gone forever doing who knows what if anything at all, and on the other you have the opportunity to “live life to the fullest” and also touch the lives of so many people around you. Fortunately it’s much easier to take the coward’s coward’s way out and just live and make your mark on the world than just ‘be a coward’ and die. But like you said above, it depends on the situation, and no one really has the right to say whether your choice is the best one or not. Who’s to say that it’s cowardice or not? I personally think it’s the opposite, because it takes a lot of effort and time to plan a suicide, not to mention the potential pain. I feel sorry for those that get stuck in between. It must be awful.

    I don’t really like wakes and funerals just because they *are* too sad. While I understand why it’s a sad occasion, I think the one who died would rather have people celebrating their life and grieving over their death, at least not in his/her “presence”. It seems rude, and also impossible, to be happy though, especially when your heart feels so much loss.

    Hmm… this is probably going to have me thinking about the thoughts of the dead soon. Ah well, at least I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to do my best in life, so in death I can at least feel somewhat satisfied, if there is any feeling anyway. I think I’d rather be immortalized in that way than just another person who commit suicide. :)

  8. Avatar

    As far as I am concerned: Your food posts alone (combined with your incredible slimness) should ensure you a place in the train to Hell. But then it seems such a waste of time flinging yourself from tall buildings since you are bound to eat yourself into an early grave anyway… :o)

  9. Avatar

    Easy to say, hard to die.

    It’s never easy dying. There’s too much to give up, like food =D

    Anyway you commit suicide, and worst if you don’t die in attempt, you will end up in jail like my friend did.

    And jail is worst than dying. And hell, who would want to give up life and freedom when there is good food?!?!

  10. Avatar

    Monster,

    No, you can’t die! I’ll have less one best friend! And you’re meant to be my kid’s godma. And my kid has not even arrived. Of course I’ll grief. And you know it right.

    But having said that, I think about my ‘planned suicide’ all the time. I guess with the baggage that I’ve carried and still am carrying, suicide is always at the back of my head. But rather, I don’t think I’ll ever do it because I hated and sometimes still hate the person who pulled and still pulls the this stunt on me.

    I remember reading Veronika Decides to Die and that got me into thinking about my life and stuff and at that point, I started to plan my death as well. But in reality, that would never happen. I try not to believe in suicide. But truth is that it can be hard at times. Anyway, life is so much more to live. Sorry, it sounds a little corny….

  11. Avatar

    Bah. Suicide is so blah. I say we all wait for something stupid and random to happen, like getting hit by a bus, or slipping in the shower. At least then, no one will feel bad about cleaning up the mess, and in the end, the living may even have a good laugh about it.

  12. Avatar

    How r u? Nice post for us to ponder …….

    For me, just let die come itself because everybody will face death. For now, let us thank God so much and appreciate what He gave us. He creates death and life to test who among us do good deeds. Peace n justice for all, alll the best :)

  13. Avatar

    Muahahaa…… Seems like I have the right to say this…….

    Dun DIE!!! Not till I die first! :P And I wont die till I spend our Golden Anniversary. Thats like 49 years more. A long way to go my dear.

  14. Avatar

    I can’t say much cuz you counter every concern in ur entry le..

    U are our chief delinquent. u know u hv a special place in my heart… something that’s different from juz normal frens or acquaintances… we weathered some diffcult and hard period in order to reach wat we have now, so I can say for sure that you are really appreciated and valued, to me.

    sometimes i also think of it and the aftermath, tears will automatically flow down when I think of my family and morte grieving over me.. just the mere thought will make me want to kick myself hard…

    got many swee swee things to look forward.. like bowling, CJ7, etc, many manY!!!

  15. Avatar

    binary_0011: Some problems can’t be solved just by talking about it. Many times, problems are compounded, maybe even starting from childhood times. That’s why people who see psychiatrists have to go to them for years and years to work through their problems.

    I can’t tell you why I think about suicide because I can probably fill an encyclopedia (or two, or three) with the reasons. ;)

    Alice: You’re the first person I know who actually agrees that suicide is the opposite of cowardice. I also think that one has to be really brave to commit suicide because it really isn’t easy. But nobody ever agrees with me on that, hehe.

    abraxis: I wish I were. ;)

    Jesta: Well, people die eventually, whether it’s from old age or from eating. The whole point is that you want to bring forward the process to shorten the pain of the process.

    Shelly: Thanks, dear. :) Nah, keep your money for yourself. You deserve your new-found financial freedom! ;)

    surfie: I think if one wants to commit suicide, one should do the proper research and preparation to ensure that the suicide is 100% successful. Otherwise, it’s just plain stupid. :P

    Monster: You of all people know exactly how it is. We think about it all the time but you know we’ll never do it. So there’s no cause for alarm, is it? :)

    Mince Pye: I didn’t major in philosophy. I only took two modules of it. :P But yes, it’s interesting to ponder the human condition. Although I don’t ponder because it’s interesting. I ponder because it’s just something that I do naturally.

    Mike M: Yeah, it gets better and then you die. :P

    JayWalk: Yup, that’s why suicide is so troublesome and difficult.

    abigail road: I’ve been waiting my whole life for things to happen, including death. But it never happens. :)

    Ashtar83: Haha, ok. Thanks for reading!

    Justin: What about Conan? No, I don’t play it.

    starm|st: Is it? I’m sorry. :P I only wanted to share my opinion on death using my own background.

    chak: I think that’s gonna be a painful death.

    Forumer: Thanks for your suggestion. I think the best death comes in sleep. Just slip away quietly.

    The Goonfather: Don’t bluff. You always tell me you want to die young. Duh.

    Wang Wang: Thanks, my dear. :) But I don’t see why you should miss me when I’m gone. I always don’t answer your calls and reply your sms-es. Hahaha. :P

  16. Avatar

    Monster,

    Agree. We’ll never tell and then we do it. If we want to do it, we won’t tell anyone! So basically, if you talk about it, there’s nothing to be alarmed about!

  17. Avatar

    reading this blog entry make me feel.. somewhat.. err what did you called it.. ?? sad.. maybe..

    hmm.. wonder if i would grieve for you then.. (i hope not.. *lol)

    is it just me or sometimes girls always thinking like about this kind of thing..
    like my friend a few months ago..

    wonder if this is ‘that’ time of month.. ??

  18. Avatar

    It seem I’m getting some messages of death from friends and people in the newspapers, miss MC KING, the politician at india?,

    as zield say, feel abit sad too if people starts to leave suddenly and for no good reason.

  19. Avatar

    SM : CJ7 ar, the stephen chow movie..

    QY : U see ar, after I told you tat you miss or did not return my call/sms, the very next day, u got pick up my call ar! So all’s good baby! ^_^

    U hor, really need some spanking~~ piak piak!!!

  20. Avatar

    Oops… those 2 modules you did seem to have stuck in my mind more than they ought to, somehow. To the point where I thought you majored in Philo. Perhaps because you seem to be the philosophical type. ;)

    Perhaps it comes to you naturally because you find it interesting, maybe even subconsciously. Haven’t you noticed how things that interest us come oh so naturally? Like playing for hours at a sitting? Heh.

  21. Avatar

    A Great Piece of Exposititory writing over there, eh. Really good. I mean, it’s like saying both Life and Death sucks. Hey, that’s how it is, ease up, girl.

    You aren’t alone. I’m on the same boat, or similar otherwise.

  22. Avatar

    Monster: Yup, you got that right! :)

    zield: I think it’ll be really strange for someone to grieve over a person they’ve never even met and don’t even know that well. :P And I don’t think it’s only the girls who think these things. I’m sure plenty of guys do, too, just that they don’t talk about it.

    Ashtar83: Death happens everyday, so that’s not really surprising. 150,000 people die on average per day.

    Wang Wang: Haha, ok, you’re very forgiving. That’s good! :P

    Mince Pye: Did I ever mention to you that I hated Philosophy? That’s why I didn’t major in it. Haha. I suppose it’s fun to think about things and philosophise. But it’s not fun to study philosophy at all.

    -=}{oT~dEv1L 666=-: Thanks again for the compliment. Well, since you’re in the same boat as I am, cheers to you and ease up, too! ;)

  23. Avatar

    ashtar83 you also come here huh? lol, wat a small world. hmm, it looks like we met each other everywhere huh??? coincident? fate?? damn, too bad you are a guy//

  24. Avatar

    was just joking and abit disturbed by binary_0011’s reply
    Quote[ coincident? fate?? damn, too bad you are a guy// ]

    hahaha, and yeah it will happen when it happens.

  25. Avatar

    qiaoqun :

    why disturbed leh? dont worry about it, me and astar like to make fun of each other in game, we played city of heroes, come join us lar, very fun one.

  26. Avatar

    kill yourself ? Don’t lah, otherwise we miss all the great food’s review ! and most importantly, everyone will miss you too, haha…

    I been reading about Marilyn Monroe, the great legendary figure and it seems that she think the same way too, and that she attempt suicide no less than two attempts, and the last attempt end her life. Anyway, I be consolidating materials about Marilyn Monroe for forthcoming post.

    Now, I wonder why does actress ever think of suicide ?

  27. Avatar

    Ashtar83/binary_001: Okay, that’s great! I’m glad there are people who know each other on my blog. So fun! I played CoH before. Really enjoyed it, although the missions did get repetitive after a while. I quit when my friends quit because it’s really more fun to play with friends, especially real-life friends.

    GeekyCoder: Haha, thanks for saying you will miss my blog. I think many artistes (actors, singers, etc) suffer from depression, or many depressed people become artistes. Kinda goes hand-in-hand.

  28. Avatar

    have to agree playing with real-life friend is fun. then again, not everyone like the same game….for example my real life friends like maple story…….duh….almost 30 yrs liao they still play maple….

  29. Avatar

    binary_0011: Well, most of my real-life friends are people I met in online games, so I suppose that kinda helps. I’ve been playing games most of my life, so that’s why most of my friends are gamers. :P

  30. Avatar

    great blog. articulates how i feel on a few issues.
    if i knew my mom and two sisters wouldnt grieve the decision would be easier.

  31. Avatar

    anna: Thanks for your comment. :) Obviously, I feel sad when I hear that people relate to my article because I know how they feel. But I suppose it’s good thing for us to know that we’re not alone in this.

  32. Avatar

    Go to Ethiopia. there are great orthodox church with very spiritual base. Get baptized and drink the holy water. then, u will feel reborn again. that is my advise my dear since I believe it is Satan who is pushing u to this direction.

  33. Avatar

    i feel like killing myself to im only 11 no one will miss me. my mum hates me and my dad will not care
    so id just do it im going to 32nd march 2008 whatch the news ill be on it
    sophie bibby

  34. Avatar

    Are you serious? Is this an April Fool’s joke? March 32nd == April 1?

    Well, if you’re serious, there’s no point in killing yourself. Life is too beautiful to miss. You know, sometimes we misunderstand our parents, we think they hate us, but they are actually doing those things out of love. :D

  35. Avatar

    sophie baby: Ok, i really hope it’s an April Fool’s joke. It looks like it is, as modchip pointed out.

    But if it’s not, you can e-mail me to talk. I’m not the best person in the world to help, considering that I did write this blogpost, lol, but I’m a good listener, at the very least. ;)

  36. Avatar

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    COCKROACH!!!
    FUCK THAT WOULD BE BAD :|

    hehe
    I googled “Repetitive panadol overdose” and found this o.O
    don’t ask why -___-

  37. Avatar

    To carbon monoxide poison yourself, just start the car in the garage with the doors closed and the AC turned on. It seems like a nice way to die. I know a few people who’s done that.

    I shouldn’t have written that, should I? I wouldn’t like to be responsible for your suicide. So don’t do it. OK, let’s face it, the reason I don’t want you to off yourself is that I’d feel guilty and even more suicidal – not that I’d miss you. Of course it’d be a waste for such a talented person, but.. well. The world is too nihilistic to care.

  38. Avatar

    St.Fallen: Haha. Thanks for the info! :P I won’t ask why you’re searching for “repetitive panadol overdose”, though!

    Mikaela: Well, it doesn’t matter. I believe the info is widely available on the Internet, anyway. Anyone who really wants to die should be able to find out easily how to do it.

    But, like I said, I won’t. Because I’m too lazy. :P So no worries there!

  39. Avatar

    anyone who is serious about suicide would never waste their time caring what other people think about it. you arent and if you were you would have done it. people who off themselves are on another level and means to dying dont bother them like you. painless suicide, go get a bundle of herion and shoot it. no pain, no nothing, wont even know your dead. there now you can die. or choose to live because you will die anyway why shorten it. many bitches to fuck.

  40. Avatar

    looking up suicide related blogs, reading them, and sometimes commenting has become a big habit of mine. the more depressed and suicidal i am… well lets just say it’s the internet to the rescue! i haven’t made any new connections because of it. no one has come along who would enlighten me, or give me something to look forward to. but now and again someone’s perspective makes me smile a little, even when i’m thinking about offing myself.
    “Sure, you can tell me not to. But then be prepared to shoulder all my burdens. Solve all my problems. Soothe all my pain. Give me money.”
    that one made me laugh. Thank you for that.
    i’m lazy too. i sleep till three most days. Job? fuck that.
    and i’m pissed that jim morrison took all the fun out of being a drug crazed self-destructive poet. that would be like a dream job. except i can’t afford the drugs cause no one likes my poetry.

    oh shit i’m ranting about me, now there’s a dull topic.
    anyway i just wanted to say thank you again.
    and, well yeah. make someone smile. its at least a good distraction.

  41. Avatar

    Thanks for sharing, ishmael. It’s always nice to hear from other people who might have gone through the same shit as I have. And I’m glad I made you laugh for a while. Well, I hope you eventually manage to find something fun to do that is not overrated or too expensive. Peace!

  42. Avatar

    I googled “I won’t kill myself but I want to die” and came across your posting. Love it! You articulated exactly how I’ve felt for years. I was on the verge of tears this evening and your words made me smile. Thank you.

  43. Avatar

    Wow I never thought of looking up a kill yourself blog, but it is making me feel a bit better. Its been a rough weekend. Working doubles..and waiting tables like I do all the time. It pays the bills.Im in school and yadadya all the normal stuff. BUT Ifeel alone I just wish I could feel good again.I hate this town..fuck all the bitches and rich people and mean people. I cant wait to move …hopefully I get excepted to the university I applied to and can start a whole new life and be the person I really am and blossom into someone who is content and happy with their life. I couldn’t kill myself with a knife gun or anything..I don;t have the guts. I would have to take pills or something…and just fall asleep with no worries or fears. I wish I was a little girl and could take away all my mistakes and people would see the sweetheart that I truly am. Im very loving and giving and I just need something in life…I think I need spirituality and self worth. Well I guess Il put this butcher knife back in the kitchen and go to sleep because typing is making mesleepy, I really just want to be done sometimes but I hold on to my dreams of being amother and having a beautiful family one day…Welltomorrow is new…I hope if anyone feels lonely out there that they find someway to talk about it. This blog is a good way too. Goodnight

  44. Avatar

    Hi Beth! You may not know me but I’m glad you got over that, it is not worth it. Imagine if you have taken your life – think of all the good things you may have had missed. Life is beautiful, let’s take care of it. Well, good luck on your 2nd life! :)

  45. Avatar

    Beth, sorry to hear you’re going through shit. But I’m glad to hear that you at least have some hope that things could get better and there could be a new life waiting for you.

    I’ve gone through shit lots of times in my life but things always do get better. Then they get shit again, and I think it could never get better, but it does. So I think life is about riding out all the shit times and waiting to appreciate the blessings that will come later.

    Sorry about saying shit so many times, but life is full of shit. Haha. :P Hey, but hold on to your dreams, girl. If you’re patient, you will feel the love and the happiness someday.

  46. Avatar

    Beth, you probably wont read this because its been so long but I can’t help but respond.
    “all the normal stuff. BUT Ifeel alone”
    ” I wish I was a little girl and could take away all my mistakes and people would see the sweetheart that I truly am. Im very loving and giving and I just need something in life”

    ..your amazing. your me.
    I hope that your ok.

  47. Avatar

    Ok then, too bad you don’t have the balls. I hope you grow them soon. This world is way overpopulated. I don’t want to be here either, but since I appreciate beauty, my existence continues. Blow your brains out and make room for another child. You don’t know pain. You are weak and full of shit.

  48. Avatar

    Life is full of people that hurt you so they deserve the pain that they have caused you and that’s why i plan to do it very soon.

  49. Avatar

    Not really but if you want a non bloody way just hang yourself in your attic or basement where few people go

  50. Avatar

    Haha this is awesome. Came upon this randomly and I must say that you’re sentiments (though written over a year ago) are exactly like mine. We might be soul mates (just kidding) But keep thinking about death and life and laziness, cause thats all there is.

  51. Avatar

    Brian: Wow, that’s quite awesome! I mean not awesome that you have those thoughts but awesome that we think alike! lol! Thanks for popping in to share this!

  52. Avatar

    Ok, so i didnt kill myself on the 32nd of march (A.K.A 1st of april.) Because i was to scared to. But there is no point in my life, I mean My mum likes me but as soon as a drink touches her lips . . . she turns into ” a monster.” An my problem is she drinks practicly everynight.
    My dad is back from working abroud and i did try to tell him that my mum was violent when i was younger towards me but he didnt belive me.
    Mum has a way of making me sound like the child from hell that always lies, but im not. Ok so i lie sometimes like “no i didnt eat the last red wine gum dad.” but i guess that doesnt count. Now that I have stopped being bullied as I have now gone into high school but some people still make me feel … “uncmfertible” ? (or however you spell it :) ) And I have my old Bestfriend back my life isnt that bad mum hasnt slapped me for ages now but she still calls me things like , “bitch” and “slag” but i just blank her out now. so I think that killing myself i a bit much now. Life is to short. Now I just TRY to think , “Happy Things” And it gets me through most of the day.

  53. Avatar

    I Truly Enjoy Reading Your Entry As Always… The TigerWood Entry Was Good Too!

    You’re Right… Who Will Really Grieve When One’s Gone… I Once Blog About This Entry Too http://eric-see.blogspot.com/2009/03/ocean-thoughts.html

    Continue Your Great Life Sheylara… Coz You’ve A Blessed Feature.

    And By The Way… If One Is Fated To Die at 70 years of age, but take his/ her own life say 30… He/ She will have to walk-in-circle NON-STOP for the next 40 years in a dark stench huge soiled ground in hell; before the Gate-Of-Hell will open its door for that individual, and the judgement will then begin… AFTER 40 years of Walking-In-Circle.

    And those who take their own life… Will never be reborn, ever.

    Have a great week! :O)

  54. Avatar

    Its easy, just buy a hydrogen gas cylinder, or nitrogen one… get a regulator valve (which comes with your purchase) and a hose some plastic bag, and some duct tape. Use your imagination and rig your self an effective exit bag

    you will fall asleep, no pain, no nausea.. its complete hypoxia at its best

  55. Avatar

    I am in love with a celebrity who could never love me back. I feel helpless and don’t think I can go on like this.

  56. Avatar

    Hi,
    I hear you. I read a novel called ‘Somewhere carnal over 40 winks’ and it helped me a lot. Especially, it opened my eyes to see the bigger picture of life. I hope this book gives you the answer you are after or something even better.

  57. Avatar

    wow your blog got me thinking. I had thought about commiting suicide. I was just banking on maybe what budist believe is the real deal. I sure would hate to be reborn as a roach and then killed like a month later over and over lol. I like to believe theres no wrong way to live life, but its so hard seeing other ppl having so much fun and then you look at your own life and wish it was like that.

  58. Avatar

    @james: Yeah, I know how you feel. Hope your life gets better. It seems impossible at times, but if you keep working at it, you can achieve what you want to.

  59. Avatar

    I’m 13 , it’s Wierd how i feel its like i just cant be in a crowd i feel so Worthless in a way , So instead i’ve been isolated in my room Since the 5th Grade, Never going out with friends , Eaven tho i dont have anny , I havent been to school Since the day after summer break when i thought i had changed.. But i guess i haddnt Changed at all , What i do all day long is Either play Roleplaying Games where i Can feel normal , or Watch movies, Or Anime , I dont know why i love watching ppl in movies or anime , But i think it’s Cause i’m missing out on the real thing , I want to live , just not this way, its Torture , I feel like i just want to end it, I Tried hanging myself , But That diddnt work out Quite well , the rope just broke after about 14-15 secounds of me Hanging , and i well on the floor caughting, So that diddnt work out good. I Have no idea what to do annymore..

    Life’s a bitch -.-

  60. Avatar

    Hey Peter, I think I know how you feel. Maybe not everything, but some of it. I know what’s it like to feel worthless and not feel comfortable being around people. That’s something that won’t go away easily so you have to make a choice whether you want to work on it or not. It’s going to be hard, Life is hard, but rewarding if you can work through your problems.

    Whatever you believe, you’re not all worthless. You will find people who like you the way you are. Maybe you can make it like a quest. Go out there and get to know people, even if it feels horrible. That’s normal. When you go questing in games, you get hurt but eventually you’re rewarded, right?

    Join some clubs in school or something. I’m not sure what you have there.

    It might take some time, but you’ll find someone you can feel comfortable with who will make you believe you’re not worthless. Then life will look sweeter and you can live the way you really want to live.

    Don’t hide away all the time. That feels just as horrible as going out there and meeting people. You know it, right? So, try something different now.

    Good luck! :)

  61. Avatar

    My Life Is To complicated, It Cant get better.
    i May Be a Coward For Thinking that way , But thats me
    .. I Made a Few friends about a half year ago , But they werent such good ppl
    They Were Smoking Cigarettes Eaven Hash , And When They Decided That i just wassnt in to it , they beat the shit out of me and Stole My Phone and my Ipod
    , There is just to much to this story , To much to Write it i bet :P

    Annyhow , I Hope You are feeling better Sheylara,

    And If You Wanna Talk or Something , Add Me On msn ;)
    I Filled out the Mail Space Before Writing the Comment, Read it and add me ;)

    ”-Peter

  62. Avatar

    i agree if someone died then everyone is expected to be hurt but the only ones in pain are the family and the best friend and im going to do it in the morning that oak tree out back will have some company

  63. Avatar

    also ive had to talk my mom my sister and my dad out of suicide i know one of them is gonna do it and it will start a chain of the rest doing it i dont want to be alive when it happens

  64. Avatar

    im planning to kill myself. im 26 and still jobless. i know that im the black sheep of my family. ive done terrible things to them. i really wanted to end this depression. i know that there’s no future waiting for me. my mother is sick and there’s nothing i can do to help her. i don’t believe in god. i know there are a lot of people who are feeling the same way as me and they are able to cope with it. but im not like them. im in a lot of pain right now and my conscience is killing me. my plan of killing myself will start on my birthday. i know that no one can help me stop this, so im just asking you people if what is the easiest way to kill myself painlessly?

  65. Avatar

    glen: I’m really sorry to hear about all your troubles. I totally know how it feels when everything seems hopeless and horrible. The thing is, I don’t think there really are quick and painless AND fail-safe ways to kill yourself. Many people do drugs and sleeping pills and end up not dead and in terrible shape afterwards, so I wouldn’t recommend that. There’s really nothing to recommend in this department, sorry.

    Sometimes, life never gets better, but sometimes it does and kind of makes up for the pain and suffering we’ve gone through. Sometimes, miracles happen. And not because there’s a god or whatever, but because life is just like that. I hope something good happens to you. All the best.

  66. Avatar

    Naise . Pretty much the same thinking . Why the hell do they make it so complicated to die . If only there was a kill switch button . Press it and viola ! You’re dead . Hahaha .

  67. Avatar

    My exact thoughts, but you could always drown yourself, even though I’m sure it will feel like shit not being able to get any air in those last moments, but I think it’s pretty effective.

  68. Avatar

    OMG I was thinking the same thing. I had a punch of pills to kill myself but then the chances of dying by pills is small and then the damage you could do to yourself could last till your death. And getting hit by a train or car or blowing your head off. You could look just like you did when you died in the afterlife and walking around with an open head and or severed limbs is not cute. The way I think is the best way to die is sacrificing yourself for someones life or many lives. Which is rare unless you jump into a gun fight which you could survive and that would suck, lol.

  69. Avatar

    Can you give us an update? Do you still want to kill yourself? Is there any aspects of your life that are significantly better or worse now? If so, how & why? I found this blog post by chance when I googled the title. I’m interested in hearing more of your story, and any updates, if you’re willing to share. Thank you.

  70. Avatar

    Once I lost interest in the geese flying overhead twice a year as they migrate then it felt like game over for me. Just waiting for my dog to pass then I’m following. People have done it for me; you’re mostly evil.

  71. Avatar

    I’ve never read something that is so dead center on how I think about suicide.. This isn’t “great”, obviously, but I never thought it could be put into words so perfectly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.