Do not join the Cowboy Bar

There is now a massive recruitment drive for The Cowboy Bar, a virtual bar created by Cowboy Caleb, who at times assumes the guise of Zeus and at other times appears to be The Magic Pony.

The bar used to be the secret hiding place for crazy, sex-starved individuals who gather together to grope, harrass or lambast one another.

It is now still the hiding place for crazy, sex-starved individuals who gather together to grope, harrass or lambast one another, except that it is no longer secret.

The terror that was previously safely contained within its crumbly virtual walls has now been released to an unsuspecting public.

The bar’s doors used to be closed to all but approved initiates who have to endure a horrifyingly strict ritual to prove their worthiness to be inducted into the mysteries of The Magic Pony.

But no longer!

The Cowboy Bar (which exists in the form of an internet forum) has been reset to destroy forever all evidence of past depraved acts of hideous and wanton natures.

Its doors are now open to everyone. Yes, that means you. YOU. Who are reading this very piece of rubbish blog post right now.

OMG God save the world.

If you are a regular member of the Singapore blogosphere, you will stumble upon an Invitation To Join because the invitation has been tomorrowed. It will be phrased in beautiful, enticing words that twirl around your ears sensuously, bringing with it the light fragrance of sweet jasmine intertwined with juicy steak sizzling on a hot plate.

Do not yield to its siren’s call.

DO NOT JOIN.

If you do, you will suffer the terrible fate that has plagued all its members in the years past:

  1. You will be turned into a grasshopper. Instantly.
  2. When you have access to a computer, you will not be able to do anything else except stare dumbly and endlessly at a page which address is cowboybar.liquidblade.com, occassionally sacrificing text to the shrine which is the bar and occasionally hitting F5 to gaze reverently at more texts sacrificed by other members.
  3. When you have no access to a computer, you will sacrifice your firstborn to make sure you do, and then perform point no. 2.
  4. You will be dragged screaming to secret ritual grounds where secret liver-poisoning rituals will be performed in the name of sacred fellowship.
  5. If you are male, you will be groped by the scattering of princesses and bimbos living in the bar.
  6. If you are female, your boobs will be squeezed by hot mamas.
  7. You will be harrassed by the resident village idiot and forced to listen to his rubbish 24/7.
  8. You will be forced to listen to bad poetry by the resident emo guy.
  9. You will be set upon by outlaws, who are actually allowed to walk brazenly into the bar to kidnap unsuspecting new grasshoppers to try to turn them into new outlaws in secret rituals.
  10. You will be forced to participate in depraved sexual orgies so that scandals about you can be spread the next day.
  11. You will become associated with this crazy picture:

    Horror of horrors!

You have been warned!

Your days will never belong to you again. Your nights will never belong to you again.

You will never belong to you again.

If you still have half a wit about you, if you value your sanity and your sanctity and your liver, I repeat: Do not join.

Of course, if you’re under 18, you can’t join. They won’t let you. So you’re safe…

…until you turn 18.

Know someone who'd enjoy this post? Share it!
Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Pin on Pinterest
Pinterest
Share on Reddit
Reddit
Share on Tumblr
Tumblr
Email this to someone
email

21 thoughts on “Do not join the Cowboy Bar

  1. Avatar

    modchip: Good for you. :P

    Rachel: *hides from hot mama*

    DK: OH NO! You are now forever condemned. There is no salvation for you!

    cowboy caleb: Oh, yeah, thanks to YOU! lol.

  2. Pingback: The CowboyBar «
  3. Avatar

    This has got to be the sickest, nerd hang out ever! If you want to see sick, stupid nerds talking about sex (of which that have never had) from the basements of their parents house, this is the place to be.

  4. Avatar

    Wang Wang: Good that you find it interesting. Now, don’t join! lol.

    JayWalk: You ain’t touching my liver, sheriff or not!

    binary_001: Huh??

    Mike M: Indeed. Although I must say that “sick” and “nerd” are very popular things in this day and age. lol.

    Nic: Haha. Thanks!

    xinyun: No no no! Didn’t you read a word I said? Do not join! :P

    brian: Well… I have to provide a link to show that I’m not bullshitting. And the picture is supposed to turn people off. Hahaha.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.