Imagine having to be up at 4 am to get ready for someone else’s wedding. (Ok lah, I had to wake up earlier than the others because I’m vain and take a longer time to get ready.)

I only slept for two hours because I had work to finish (while the Goonfather, Morte and Wang Wang played Guitar Hero 3 in my room the night before).

Anyway, the wedding.

By the time we were done with the morning festivities, which included the bride pickup, tea ceremonies, lunch buffets and shuffling back and forth endlessly between three homes, I was quite bushed. I’m sure everyone was.

By then, the hotel bed was a welcome sight!

Kerrendor and Minou held their wedding banquet at Goodwood Park Hotel and they booked us rooms to crash in before the banquet.

The brothers had one room, the sisters another. But most of the sisters went home for some reason or other, so Wang Wang and I had one room all to ourselves!! Woooeeee!!

We staked our claim right away!

The room was nice and spacious.

But I didn’t get to enjoy the space for too long because, right after taking these photos, I took off my clothes and jumped into bed.

And snoozed for two hours while Wang Wang flitted about the hotel, visiting the bridal suite, the brothers’ room, and I dunno what else she was doing.

At 3:45 pm, my phone alarm woke me up. I had to get ready for the banquet rehearsal.

Groggy.

Tried to flatten the kinks in my hair, freshen up my makeup and choose a dress, all in 15 minutes.

(I was having a dress crisis and didn’t decide what to wear until three hours before the banquet. I brought two dresses and Joey brought two for me to try on.)

I finally settled on the cheapest of the lot — a $30 dress I had bought on a whim two days before. *lol*

I tried to take a photo of it off the ballroom’s wall mirror. But the stupid mirror was layered and made me look funny.

So I had a picture with Joey, instead.

I know it’s unrelated but I don’t really care.

I also took a picture when everyone had arrived and were discussing their respective duties.

I thought the picture turned out funny. Like an interrogation or something. Hahaha.

My job was to be the emcee, together with Morte. (That’s why I was having a dress crisis, because I didn’t have anything formal enough to wear for the job.)

You know, I tasked the Goonfather with taking photos of me and Morte on stage. And the whole entire night, he only took ONE LOUSY SUPER BLUR PHOTO!

I had to turn up the brightness and contrast drastically in order for the people in the photo to be recognised as human beings.

HE IS SUCH A GOON!!

Now you know why I always take my own photographs.

Anyway, after the fifth course of the banquet, Morte and I were relieved of our emcee duties. We could sit back and start on the alcohol!

Four full glasses of pure brandy, waiting for the groom. OMG.

After some thought, the guys decided that it was too evil.

So they threw in two glasses of beer to neutralise the brandy.

Wahahahaaha!

Anyway, everyone knows that the arrival of heavy duty alcohol marks the beginning of unbridled debauchery!

Morte stole one of the wedding balloons and resculptured it.

It was such a hit that the guys placed it on an ambrosial pedestal of honour.

Check out the amount of alcohol our table consumed (and spilled, if you can see the big faded red patch).

The orange soda in the wine glass is mine, by the way.

I was a paragon of virtue trapped in a decadent vice city!!

After the banquet, the vice squad trooped up to the bridal suite to revel in more debauchery.

They pretended at first. Just sat there modestly as if they were just having a merry little tea party.

Indulged in quaint methods of eye therapy.

Sipped red wine out of dainty Chinese tea cups.

An innocent bystander would not have been prepared for the aftermath.

And what an aftermath it was.

Without warning, it went from this:

To this:

And this:

Paragon of virtue traumatised:

After almost 24 hours of celebration, the wedding finally came to an end with everyone stumbling off to any available hotel room, leaving the newly-weds to clean up the mess.

What an amazing experience, even if some parts were traumatising. Gotta love my friends!

Happy ever after, Kerrendor and Minou!

Categories: Regular Blogs
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Before you do anything else, load up this video first. You can read the rest of this blog while it loads and then come back when it’s done.

(It’s funnier if you watch it without the streaming pauses. And turn on your speakers.)

This was last weekend. We celebrated the wedding of Kerrendor and Minou (actually Justin and Jennifer but I like to use their EQ2 names).

We, the sisters, had to be at the bride’s place at 5:30am to prepare for the arrival of the groom and his brothers.

The preparation was really fun because we were making breakfast for the boys.

Yummy!

YUMMY!!

YUMMY!!!

Wang Wang does a smell test.

Heavenly!

And we’re all set!

We also prepare a surprise for the brothers.

Hmm… a hat?

The brothers arrive and are fed their breakfast.

Hahaha! What a sabo we created!

(”Sabo” is short for “sabotage” and is used as a slang to denote an action which could range from a friendly prank to downright betrayal.)

Kerrendor (the groom) was able to escape eating our breakfast because his family custom does not permit the groom to eat yucky stuff on his wedding day due to it being inauspicious.

So we made him answer ten questions about the bride. Difficult questions like what’s her favourite lipstick and what she wore on their first trip overseas together.

For each question he fails to answer correctly, one of the brothers would have to eat one item of our lovingly prepared breakfast.

The idea was to make him sabo his brothers so they would all want to kill him!

Wahahahaha! Evil!

He failed all the questions!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

After breakfast was the entrance fee haggling. The groom has to part with an obscene amount of cash before the sisters will open the door to admit the brothers.

Well, what happens after this is all in the video so I’m not going to write about it.

But the bride and groom finally met.

And we took some group photos. Here are all the brothers and sisters!

And me!

OMG this is very tiring.

I’ll have to continue this tomorrow because I already spent half the afternoon editing the video and pictures.

Watch out for A Chinese Wedding — Hotel Havoc tomorrow!

Categories: Regular Blogs
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Sorry, too busy to blog today, so I’m posing a teaser question.

Guess what this is!

I mean beyond stating the obvious. Duh.

People who know the answer (you know who you are), shhhhhh~!

You have one day to guess because I will reveal the answer tomorrow night.

Watch out for it!

Categories: Regular Blogs
13 Comments »

It’s no great secret and it’s not very healthy.

Nevertheless, I’ve decided to blog about it because my readers have been complaining that I remain skinny despite appearing to be a glutton.

But a disclaimer before I go on:

KIDS, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

In fact, not just kids. Anyone. Try it at your own risk.

And here’s the secret: Snacks!

This is the snack pantry in my room.

It’s stuffed full of junk food right now because I’ve been snack shopping a lot in the past two weeks.

Well, snacks isn’t the whole secret. The secret to the secret is that you have to eat snacks in lieu of main meals.

Because I work freelance and keep irregular hours and work from home quite a lot, I don’t have access to proper meals. So I will usually just grab something from my snack pantry and eat while I work.

I believe this is what really keeps me skinny. I was fleshier when I had a day job and ate proper meals. I think it’s because snack portions are smaller while proper meal portions are usually huge and you try to finish your meals because you don’t want to waste food. As a result, your stomach expands so that you can stuff even more food into it the next time.

I’ve loved junk food since I was a kid so I’m not, like, doing this on purpose to keep slim. In fact, some of you may not even believe that this is what keeps me slim. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure myself, but it just seems logical to me.

Last year, my friends gave me snacks for a birthday present.

(The Goonfather not included.)

That’s how much I eat these things.

By the way, I found a Japanese snack shop in Central. Oishii okashiiiiiii!!! (Er… that’s not the name of the shop. It means “delicious snacks” in Japanese.)

It’s located in B1 and has all kinds of amazing snacks you can’t get anywhere else in Singapore!

They even sell leather jackets!!!

Don’t ask me. I really don’t know.

These are the two items which list “leather jacket” among their main ingredients.

The one on the left is dried sea urchin. The one on the right… I can’t remember.

I was quite conservative that night because I’ve been spending too much lately, so I only bought these:

They gave me freebies (two sticks of Hi-Chew candy and two squares of Venezuela Bitter chocolate)!

OMG I love this shop!

And, talk about coincidences…

I was in the middle of writing this blog when a good friend dropped by to pass me something he bought for me from Japan.

MORE SNACKS!!

I just love Green Tea flavoured snacks.

I’m not sure what that “Calorie” thing is, yet. It’s some kind of energy bar for busy people, according to the description, but there’s no picture showing what it looks like.

Wow. With all these new additions, I’m going to be sooooo skinny (and so unhealthy) in the next few weeks!

Categories: Food Files
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The Goonfather and I were strolling around at Central, trying to make ourselves hungry so we could go eat dinner.

Suddenly, he grabbed at my arm.

“Hey, hey!” he said. “Got upskirt to see!”

“Where, where?” I said.

He pointed.

And I looked up.

Categories: Regular Blogs
37 Comments »