I always ask myself this question: What if [a loved one] were to die? How deeply would I grieve?

I know that’s very morbid. (But it’s hardly my most morbid yet.)

I often think about a loved one’s death to gauge exactly how much that person means to me. It could be a family member, a significant other, a close friend. Actually, I also wonder about regular friends periodically, just to see how far up the friendship rung I’ve moved up with them at a given moment.

Sometimes when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep, my mind wanders. I have really bad insomnia so that happens a lot.

I think about a specific person and I picture his (or her) death. I imagine the way I receive the news. I imagine going to the funeral. I imagine living life without him/her. I imagine the little things the person does that makes me laugh or smile. I imagine his/her absence from my life. And I imagine never being able to see this person ever again.

As I visualise each stage, I allow genuine emotions to wash over me, as if the events I’m imagining are really happening. Usually, if the person means a whole lot to me, tears will roll. I will feel the emptiness and the pain of loss. And I will feel the abject fear of losing him/her.

That’s when I know how much the person means to me and I resolve never to take him (or her) for granted, and to treasure each and every moment I have with him/her.

Yes, it’s a very morbid exercise, but I think it helps me appreciate life and especially appreciate the people around me. It keeps me from taking people for granted.

Do you question yourself thus?

You might find yourself surprised by the result.

Categories: Regular Blogs
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I can finally look normal again after three months of looking like a dorky teacher.

I’m still filming the kids’ drama. I’m still a teacher, but we’ve moved on to the later episodes where my character’s personal life outside of teaching comes into play. I have the chance to wear non-dorky clothes and look normal! Yay.

I realise I’ve never mentioned the title of this drama. So, here are a few details:

The title is SNAP, but it’s a Chinese drama. It will be shown on Sunday mornings on Channel 8, possibly starting on Sep 30. There are 14 episodes, each lasting 30 minutes and I’m in 12 episodes. I think.

This drama series has many directors, each taking charge of different episodes. I think it’ll be very interesting to watch because every episode is going to have a different flavour.

Today’s director is Martin, who is also the overall project manager and the person who normally helps me take photographs using my camera while I’m filming.

But since he’s the director today, he doesn’t have time to horse around with my camera, so I’m my own photographer today and Martin is my subject. Haha.

Martin has a tough job managing the kids today because they have a fun toy as a prop.

A wired laptop!

You know how kids get engrossed when they’re having fun.

It’s just them and their world.

Well, since this is a kids’ drama, the production is full of kids.

Here are two big ones.

On the left is Ler, who directs other episodes. He looks into the camera defiantly because… I don’t know. Because it’s fun?

I love working with creative people. They’re like boxes of chocolates, like, you know, you never know what you’re gonna get.

On the right is Melvin, the producer, and this is his house we’re filming in.

Tell you one secret.

Melvin’s house is so big that it’s used as the prop house for two different girls in the show (to save them the trouble of finding two separate houses to film in.) Of course, the audience won’t know it because different parts of the house are used for each girl.

But I know and I think it’s funny. Hahahaha!

Yeah, I know. I’m very easily amused.

For example, I amused myself playing around with my camera’s macro function while waiting for the crew to set up the lights around me.

I like photos with foreground/background compositions. Not this particular photo I’ve taken, of course. It’s a stupidly composed test shot just for illustration.

I couldn’t do very much because I only had my fingers to use as foreground, plus the crew started to look at me weird for taking photos of my own fingers.

I’ve learnt a lot from this shoot. Especially from my favourite girls, Jiaxuan and Almond.

They’ve taught me all sorts of cute games and riddles and stuff that girls do to amuse themselves.

Ah, but no fun and games for now because it’s back to work.

Then again, acting is fun and games.

Once, I was filming a scene in which my character was listening to a student’s sob story. It was a serious scene, even a little touching.

During one take, as I delivered my last line, and with the camera focused on my face looking at my student empathetically, and just before the director yelled “cut!” to wrap the scene, someone’s phone rang.

The music was the chorus of “Killing Me Softly”.

The song came at such an apt moment, at the exact time a real soundtrack might appear in a movie. But it was hilarious because of that and because the song ringing out turned our drama into comedy.

I tried to keep a straight face because the director hadn’t yelled “cut” but then the entire crew started laughing and I had to join in.

Moments like that make great NG footages. But, more specifically, they make working on a TV or movie set so magical and heartwarming.

I love watching NG footages because they allow me to experience the fun and the magic behind the scenes. But being an actress is even better! I get to enjoy these moments not only vicariously, but also in person!

I think all movies and TV shows should show NG footages at the end, don’t you?

Anyhow, in the next couple of weeks, I will be alternating between looking dorky and looking normal as I film the later episodes. I can’t wait for the show to wrap because it’s really very tiring being a teacher. But I think I’m gonna miss it, too.

People never know what they want, huh?

Categories: Acting Journal
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I’m so busy I don’t have time to shower.

(But I’m not dirty because I’ve been sitting in an air-conditioned room all day.) I’ll take a shower at, like, 3 am, if I can finish my freelance copyediting work.

All the people who were supposed to call me today didn’t call me, making it very hard for me to finalise my already-too-busy schedule this week.

Aaaaaaaaaaah.

I’m sorry today’s title is not very relevant to today’s inconsequential post. But it kinda sums up my feelings right now.

Eating pillows could be a therapeutic exercise. Or it could be your ticket to a nuthouse. Depends on whether or not you have witnesses, I guess.

You might want to try it, anyway, just for the heck of it.

Work beckons again. Zzz.

Be back tomorrow!

Meanwhile, smile, and the world will smile with you. Or something like that.

Categories: Regular Blogs
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Er… is this a Wald Lexus?

Close-up of the emblems:

lol.

Any automobile experts want to enlighten me?

Categories: Regular Blogs
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Sometimes, when you need a taxi, it’s never there.

Sometimes there are taxis, but they’re not for hire.

Hail! A taxi!

It’s heading right for me!

Welcome, says it.

Sorry I’m a little dirty. I didn’t have time to get vacuumed.

A talking mat!

Cool! Even if it’s dirty.

I settle back, enjoy the ride, look out the window.

Singapore is clean and green. Everywhere. Even in the neglected wild.

But why is there an old man walking all alone on an empty stretch of pavement?

Does he have a family? Does he have a hobby? Does he have a smiling grandchild to welcome him when he gets home?

I wonder where he’s going.

Why is there a bag of trash sitting in the middle of nowhere?

Is it waiting to be picked up or was it left behind by mistake?

Hark! It rains!

I’m glad I’m sheltered.

But now my vision is foggy.

It affects the way I think about what I see.

What if I had to go through life with rain-spotted vision?

Why are there only trees and trees and more trees?

Once I thought I could be a hermit and live in the mountains. But I think I’d die of boredom if I had to see nothing but trees every day.

Hello! We have a neighbour!

Did the little boy
whose favourite toy was a little red truck
grow up to drive a big red truck?

Are his parents proud of him?

Does he have a loving wife?

I hope yes and yes.

I like when people are happy.

Time to slow down. “Camera Zone” ahead.

Musn’t go past the speed limit. Take it down to 80 just to play safe.

Heck, make it 70.

Who cares if traffic piles up behind.

And.

When the traffic light turns green, don’t move off immediately.

Finish shaving your beard, pick lint off your pants, day dream a bit.

You never know. Maybe a stray dog (or even a human) will dash across the road this very moment and your daydreaming will spare a life.

Who cares if traffic piles up behind.

Not.

I wish it’d stop raining.

And I could get to where I want to be.

Categories: Regular Blogs
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