So, pregnant mums are supposed to have beeg beeg boobies, right?
If you’re my regular blog reader, you’ll know that I don’t even have normal sized boobies, much less beeg beeg ones, and that I’m still awaiting donations for my Breast Endowment Fund, which, today, still stands at the paltry amount of $0.00.
Unfortunately, the world loves exposed breasts, especially now, compared to, like, five, or 10, or 50 years ago. You can tell by checking out several random boutiques in Orchard Road. Ladies clothes are getting more and more revealing by the day. Like 90% of clothes on sale today are cleavage revealing.
It severely limits my shopping options. That’s why I wear kiddy-style clothes all the time. Not that I want to act cute lor. It’s that adult-style clothes make me look like I’m a kid wearing mummy’s clothes pretending to be grown up can?
Anyways, thanks to this annoying boob-exposing trend, all the maternity clothes acquired for me for this film were, indeed, very boob exposing.
Drastic measures had to be called for.
Extra-size bandages, masking tape, lots of gel padding, maximiser bra.
I will leave it to your imagination what we did with those – we don’t want to get too graphic here, do we?
The first day, Jann (producer) and I spent an hour fixing up my boobs and managed to get them to fit quite decently into the annoyingly sexy clothes.
For the next seven days, it was a ritual we had to go through first thing in the morning and then once or twice more in the day because the bandages constricted my breathing and I had to remove them during meal breaks or die of asphyxiation.
By the end of the seven days, Jann got to be really expert at it and we managed to complete the ritual in about 20 minutes.
One night, when Justin (special effects makeup artist) was there to dress up the ghost, he did some cleavage-enhancing special effects makeup on me.
That was really awesome!
Between Jann’s bandaging and Justin’s makeup, I looked like I had breasts for the first time in my life!
But now I understand how women in the Victorian era suffered from corsets and why wearing them could cause fainting spells.
What a horrible price women pay for beauty.
And what horrible people who set the standards for beauty. I have a beeg beeg bone to pick with society.
Anyway, I don’t sport a yummy cleavage throughout the film.
Sometimes we didn’t have enough time to fix me up properly and sometimes Justin wasn’t there to do his magic. (Jann and I learnt how to do the makeup from Justin, but we couldn’t do it as well.) So, during those times, I just look deflated.
Oh, well, we can’t always be perfect.
Well, of course, there are perfect women out there, but I’ll just pretend that they don’t exist.
La la la la la la.
For now, I’m back to wearing my kiddy clothes.