I didn’t think I could get through December. I told the Goonfather that my temp job is worse than most people’s jobs because I can’t surf the net or MSN at work, so I have nothing to look forward to and everything to dread every single day.

It makes waking up at crazy hours in the morning all the more difficult.

But I did get through the month. Of course I did. Everyone gets through the most terrible times, even if they get all dramatic about it and swear that they can’t.

I shall continue to persevere for the sake of my costly singing lessons. By the end of February, I should have earned enough to pay for 26 hours of singing lessons. With nothing left for shopping or vacations or even paying bills. Yahoo.

Anyway, I said I would quit acting for the three months (partly also to take a break from an industry that disappoints me over and over again), but I can’t seem to resist going for selected auditions.

Amazingly, I managed to land myself a role in this short film. With a website looking like that, I just had to do the audition.

So January looks a bit more appealing to me now. I am really excited about the film and the role. Filming will take seven days. Rehearsals, costume fittings and photoshoots will take up more days. I also have to put in time to practise ballet dancing and being pregnant.

Although I can’t surf the net and MSN at my office job, it’s a great job because my employer allows me to take time off work for my acting commitments. So I guess it’s really a good thing that I have this opportunity to earn extra income during the days I’m not being an actress.

Well, life is good if we don’t ask for too much. But I still feel damn pathetic.

I hope you had a better 2006 than I did and I hope you have an even better 2007.

Have a great long weekend!

Since I re-activated my EQ2 account a week ago, I have spent more time creating and rerolling characters than actually playing the game.

After playing and deleting several characters (the main reason being that I kept changing my mind about the character’s name), and losing 80 gold pieces in the process (accidentally deleted a new character to whom I had mailed 80gp from one of my mules), I have finally settled for this one and I’m not going to reroll again cos it’s so tiresome.

I named her Sheyla because Sheylara is taken up by my main character, whom I have no interest in playing anymore but I can’t delete her because she’s a level 54 warden and level 60 tailor and I think the guild needs her once in a while.

I feel kinda sad for Sheylara. She’s now mostly a mentoring-down and tailoring mule.

Echoes of Faydwer is cool. It’s very like World of Warcraft, I suppose to lure WoW fans… which worked on me. Hah.

Okay, I think server maintenance should be done by now. Time to go!

It’s been only two days since I started my temp office job, but it feels like I’ve been working for two months already. I feel so exhausted.

I have no stamina for office work. Only two days and I need a holiday already!

Why, why, why, oh why do people have to work for money to survive? Life is so sad.

I’m always wondering about people who hate their jobs but stick to it for years, with no hope of ever having a different future. How do they find the motivation to go on, day after day? Why do they even bother carrying on with life when all they’re doing is dragging their feet through the days and waiting for death?

Oh. I suddenly remember the recent spate of MRT deaths. I suppose that answers my question, somewhat.

I’m not depressed or anything. Not much, anyway, because I’m actually angry.

I’m angry that I can’t get to do what I want to do in life, even after I’ve worked so hard and so long for it. I’ve been working for it and waiting for it since I was 15.

History will write me off as a sad, nameless statistic so I might as well not have been born at all.

Zillions of people before me have been written off as sad, nameless statistics. Why did they even bother?

Well, if I had to force it, I could come up with a HUGE list of blessings in my life. Yes, I know how to count my blessings and I am really optimistic deep down inside by default (since I can’t kill myself, I might as well be optimistic).

But, you know what, bottom line, all the little blessings are meaningless when I’m faced with the horror of my unwanted existence.

Oh, well, time for bed.

Then yet another day of blah.

On and on and on and on and on and on.

After two weeks of deliberating, I have finally decided to quit World of Warcraft.

To return to EverQuest 2.

Hah. I couldn’t just quit gaming, could I?

I took so long to deliberate because I still think WoW is more fun that EQ2 and I still haven’t gotten sick of WoW and still very much want to play it.

But all my friends have, one by one, returned to EQ2 and I feel compelled to join them. Also, the new EQ2 expansion is kinda cool cos it has a new playable race of cute Fae characters.

How can anyone resist that?

Faes can fly around (sort of) and they can’t ever fall to their deaths. How cool is that?!

Unfortunately, I just started on a temp office job and will be working full time for the next three months. Which means I won’t have much time to play ONE game, let alone two, so I have to choose one or the other.

On a side note, I won’t have much time to blog, either, but I’ll try to blog during server downtimes, which happens every night now because of the new expansion pack.

I don’t think I’m quitting WoW for good. I still want to return to it some day. And I think I’ll get sick of EQ2 before too long. But I have to play it for at least a few months cos the Goonfather paid $70 for my Echoes of Faydwer box so I can play a Fae. He’ll kill me if I quit just after a month. Hah.

Okay. My patch is almost done downloading. TIME TO FLY.

Seems like I shouldn’t have cut my hair.

Recently, I was called up for a modelling job. I had gone for the audition two months ago when my hair was still long. The shoot was to showcase the different uniforms of a company throughout the decades and I was assigned to wear the 1960s costume.

Fortunately, the client didn’t dump me after knowing that I had cut my hair. So I still got to do the job. But I think my long hair would have been much better for the look they wanted to create. As it was, my hair just looked stupid that day.

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In September, I auditioned for the role of a Vietnamese bride. A month later, I went for a second audition and was told filming would begin early November.

November came and there was no news, so I thought I didn’t get the role.

Today, I got an e-mail informing me that the job is still pending and I’m still on the shortlist. And the shoot will be delayed till January.

Seems like I still have a good chance of getting the role (and it’s a good role, too) but my hair is now wrong and I don’t think they’re going to pick me after all. =(

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This week, I’m doing a modelling job for Sassyjan. It’s a four-day seminar/workshop for Sony HD video cameras and I sit there for hours in front of the cameras so that the workshop particpants have something alive to look at on their monitors while they’re playing with the cameras.

Anyway, Jan told me that the client likes models with long straight hair and bangs. Like my old hair.

Fortunately, I still got the job, but I think the client would have liked it better if I still had my old hair.

Speaking of the job, it’s really… indescribable. It sounds like easy money, getting paid to just sit there and do nothing.

But it is NOT easy.

YOU try sitting still on one spot with a friendly, smiling face for two hours at a stretch. You can’t move around too much because when they’re doing close-ups, your face will go out of frame if you move. They can’t experiment on camera settings properly if your face keeps disappearing out of frame.

I’ll admit that it’s a much easier task than to act like a statue (you know, like, those statue people in Orchard?). At least, for this job, I can blink. But it is horrendously boring to just sit there and do nothing for long periods of time. In the freezing cold.

It’s bloody COLD in the auditorium. Even the men feel cold in there. Even the ang mohs feel cold in there.

And I made a grave mistake today.

Because I was so bored out of my senses, I decided to count the money I was going to earn from sitting there, to motivate myself, give myself a reason to go on and to pass the time.

I imagined $1 coins flying past me and getting deposited into a big pot as I counted out the money I was going to receive.

How stupid can I get?

Very shortly after I started, the counting lulled me into a trance and I started feeling drowsy. I told myself I should stop before I fell asleep, but the stupid side of my brain insisted that it wouldn’t happen.

I haven’t even reached a hundred when I suddenly heard a voice saying, “Getting sleepy, huh?”

OMG caught out by a workshop participant.

That put a premature stop to my game and woke me up.

Once when I was in Melbourne, I saw live mannequins in a shopping mall. That is, real life models wearing the latest fashion, acting as mannequins. They had to sit or stand in position THE WHOLE DAY for the duration of the mall opening hours.

I can’t imagine how anyone can do that. The models were really good at it, too. Not a single movement or blink of an eye! Just imagining myself doing such a thing gives me the shudders.

Last day tomorrow! I am relieved!

Anyway, I hope no more jobs come in that need me to have long hair. I feel like a plaything, mindfucked and tossed about by fate, or God, or gods, I don’t know, whatever.