Hobbies to drive your spouse crazy

There must be nothing more annoying than a friend or family member learning a new language (except maybe a friend or family member learning piano or violin or the trombone). These linguist-wannabes would go around all day saying asinine things like “I am eating an apple” (in whatever language) even if it’s blindingly obvious that they are not, in fact, eating anything at all.

They would tell you in earnest: “The cat is black and the orange is orange,” and you would wonder about ringing up their therapist.

And maybe you should because goodness knows everyone needs a therapist these days.

 

Comic - Learning a new language

 

I should know because, right now, I am spouting truisms such as “el vino y la manzana son rojos” on a daily basis. (For the Spanish-challenged, this means “the wine and the apple are red”.) I am diligent in practising my sentences because I’m sure they will come in handy when I next visit Spain.

“El vino y la manzana son rojos,” I will say to the nice lady ringing up my shopping at the supermarket while I point at the apple and the delectable bottle of Spanish wine in my basket.

And she will clap her hands in glee and give me a discount because I just said something very useful to her.

 

Comic - Learning a new language 2

 

All I need to do is make sure that I preserve my sanity long enough to even make the trip to Spain. One does tend to feel a bit crazy after one has kindly informed one’s family for the umpteenth time the colours of various objects in the household and the ways in which one can interact with said objects, only to be met with a blank stare.

For example, I would tell Piers, in Spanish, “The newspaper is black and white. I read the newspaper,” and he would give me either a blank stare or, more often, a “Shall I ring your therapist?” stare, slightly quizzical, slightly worried, but mostly what the fuck.

Perhaps it’s his sanity I should be worried about.

 

Comic - Learning a new language 3

 

Now, remember in the beginning I mentioned that someone learning a musical instrument would probably be more annoying than someone telling you dumb things in Spanish all day long?

Well, guess what, I’m buying a piano, too!

Or, rather, Piers has just agreed to buy me a piano!

Ooh. I just realised that he probably isn’t yet aware of the double whammy situation he’s gotten himself into.

Double insanity!

Well, I am not exactly a totally virgin beginner pianist. I took piano lessons when I was 11 for a year or two and passed a few exams. However it HAS been a while, so I’m anticipating long months of banging out Yankee Doodle or whatever stupid songs they make you learn in piano these days.

I should probably put a therapist on our speed dial.

On the health front, I’ve decided to give yoga another try. (Went to a class a long time ago and hated it because it was so boring.) But I need to like it because of, well, health reasons, lol, so I’m going to try it at home first (using yoga apps on the iPad) and see how that works out before going to actual classes.

Perhaps Piers will be so distracted (and distraught) by the crazy poses that he won’t notice the other hobbies!

 

Comic - Yoga

 

There’s a plan, huh?

Probably not a very good one but we all gotta do what we all gotta do and spouses gotta put up with it. :D

Will keep you posted on outcomes!

 

Why I disappeared again

I’m back! Again! So, okay, that took a bit longer than planned, but it’s all normal. I just got side-tracked a little, as I’m wont to do. (I hate the phrase “wont to do” so I don’t know why I’m using it.)

Now, to pick up where I left off.

When Silly Wen left England in May, I was supposed to resume blogging (again). I didn’t, obviously, and I can’t use the alien abduction excuse twice so, this time, I’m going to place the entire blame on Game of Thrones Ascent, this stupid game I started playing early last year.

Well, okay, a bit of the blame goes to my weak will, that lousy piece of unpalatable word, but only a little bit.

 

(Comic) Running out of excuses

 

I shan’t go into boring detail so let’s just say that the game got updated with lots of new stuff around the end of April, demanding even more participation to fully reap all the benefits. It got so that playing it was a full-time job if you wanted to remain competitive.

Stupidly, I got sucked in.

I have played games full-time before. They were mostly MMORPGs such as EverQuest 2 and Star Wars Galaxies, from a long time ago, an era before evil IAPs. I never regretted those; they were fun and fulfilling, and even got me in the news.

 

Sheylara posing with a cheesy lightsaber toy.
An old archive photo (c. 2003) from my interview in The Straits Times
I’d probably regret digging out.

 

But I regret every minute spent playing Game of Thrones Ascent. It’s not even a proper game and the game mechanics and UI are so 20th century fail that I actually feel embarrassed admitting to playing it.

I also feel ashamed for having played it so long. But no more. I quit.

QUIT!

Suddenly, I feel free. Unencumbered. The world is my oyster again. Although, after quitting, I spent probably two weeks wallowing in that empty, lost feeling you get when you go cold turkey or end a destructive relationship.

But I’m now ready to rush headlong into my next addiction! Except I’m thinking I should take a break and be normal for a bit. You know, like, do normal people things, eat proper meals, get some exercise, water the dying herbs.

Also, blog.

So, there you go. Welcome me back! Or not, but I DO care, because I feel stupid blogging to air so the plan is for that to not happen. I like to keep a dialogue going (even if it’s mostly imagined) and I know you miss my ramblings.

Right?

 

Babysitting the bestie

I haven’t disappeared! Still here, but extremely busy spending time with my best friend Wen (I used to call her Nanny Wen but I think that nickname is old now, so I need to think of another one) and her boyfriend.

They have come to England to visit me and Piers, although not so much him, I think, heh, because Goofy Wen and Piers bicker all the time, disagreeing with each other’s accents and food choices and lots of other miscellaneous things.

 

Mandatory group photo at Corfe Castle, Isle of Purbeck
Sightseeing at Corfe Castle, Isle of Purbeck

 

So, anyway, can’t blog much until they leave because they’re here for only a week more and we have PLACES TO GO and THINGS TO DO, as if we’re very happening people!

But we’re not, really. Silly Wen fell asleep at like 9:30 pm on a Saturday night; she’s useless after a glass or two of wine. So the rest of us just watched TV and then went to bed. Tsk!

Business will resume once they’ve gone and I’ve recovered sufficiently from the trauma of babysitting The Wen.

Toodles for now!

 

It’s your fault that I post selfies

Yes, I just thought it was time for me to post a recent selfie to show that I haven’t grown horns or anything.

Although I suppose I could have just photoshopped the horns away and you’d be none the wiser. But let’s just assume that I haven’t got the skills to do that. I can just about erase the odd blemish and eye bag and wrinkle and… wait, what? I didn’t say anything. I’m not saying anything until I see my lawyer.

What respectable human being grows horns for no reason, anyway?

So, selfie, sans horn!

 

Sheylara

 

Except I have cleverly cropped the top of my head off. Mwahaha.

And then very un-cleverly revealed all my tricks.

Speaking of horns, I just remembered I have a pair of cute reindeer antler hair clips I bought years ago. I was planning to wear them at Christmas but kept forgetting, and have forgotten three years in a row, or thereabouts.

Perhaps this year I will remember and then we can have a selfie with antlers.

Although when Piers found out my plans (to wear antlers at Christmas) he was, like, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So, I’m not sure he would let me out of the house with them on.

Only about eight months to find out.

 

Comic: Antlers
He was afraid to tell her something was growing out her head.

 

Now I want to talk a bit about selfies. They’re a funny bit of modern culture that makes me very uncomfortable. I mean, selfies are blatant attention-seeking devices, right? Who would post a selfie other than to say, “Look at me and give me some attention, dammit?”

But go ask anyone, “Do you like attention-seeking people?” I’m going to bet you the answer is no. In fact, you know the answer is no without having to ask.

So why is it that, when someone posts a selfie anywhere, they get likes and compliments GALORE?

Here, look at this.

A selfie appears on my Facebook feed. I get 112 likes. And it wasn’t even a proper selfie post. I was just changing my profile back to an old picture I had already used before.

 

Selfie

 

On the contrary, a blog post link, accompanied by a nice little cartoon, gets three likes.

 

A blog post

 

THREE.

Ok, I did manipulate the data a bit by picking out two extreme instances but the fact generally is that selfie posts get WAY MORE likes and comments than any other posts (except engagement and pregnancy announcements).

It’s almost enough to make me quit blogging altogether and just post selfies all day long.

But, like I said, it makes me very uncomfortable.

Why do people claim not to like attention-seekers yet give them so much attention?

 

Peoples! You are messed up
You should be very afraid of yourself.

 

A lot has been written on this subject. A lot of psychobabble about self-esteem, and a lot of rants about selfies destroying the universe. I don’t want to add to that. Well, I do want to add that people are crazy and the world is crazy, and that’s about the size of it.

The selfie culture makes me uncomfortable because I was raised in an era and country of modesty and humility, which selfies are the burning antithesis of. I don’t want to post a single selfie if I am to be honest. I want to be admired for the work I do. But a lot more people seem to admire my selfies than my work, so it encourages me to propagate the selfie culture.

Which means that it’s all your fault.

When you like my selfies, it makes me feel better about the times you fail to like my blog posts, which I would have put a few thousand times more effort on.

Time spent writing this post: 5 hours.

Time spent taking this selfie: 5 seconds.

 

The other selfie
Let’s play a game. It’s called smile at the camera for no reason.

 

So, people, I don’t know, like, just do the right thing. Leave a comment to tell me I’m right (that you are messed up because you like selfies more than anything else)?

 

So you think you’re indecisive

Do you know someone who is very indecisive, who changes their mind all the bloody time?

Of course you do. It’s me!

Maybe you were going to say: “Oh, yeah, Jack is like that” or “Hah, that’s Kate you’re talking about”.

Well, wrong. It’s all me. I’m the mind-changing undeciding fickle-minded champion.

You probably want some examples, so I’ve made a comic of myself.

Comic strip: Indecision
She does need some help, pronto.

 

But that’s rather tame. I’m sure I’m not the only one who suffers from indecision in the area of food selection, even when there’s a very narrow field of choices.

So, how about, I was planning to have a wedding ceremony last year but changed my mind just months before (by literally flipping a coin to decide). A year later, now, I’m still thinking about changing my mind.

Or how about I changed my name legally in 2003 and now I want to change it again.

Or how about when I was 17, I was about to enroll at a pre-university when they sent me home to get my GCE O-Level results slip because I’d forgotten it, but, on the way home, I decided that I’d rather be an actress. So, I didn’t return for the enrollment. Instead, I made an application to La Salle College of Drama. On the day of my audition for admittance, I skipped it and went to interview at a talent agency.

Or how about this blog post was inspired by the fact that I couldn’t for the longest time decide what to blog about after my big announcement on April 1st.

 

Indecisive cat is stuck
The world is her oyster. Or maybe just her window sill.

 

Well, I could go on and on but you’ll probably get bored.

Now, this post is kind of a long-winded way of explaining why I haven’t blogged for a year. I couldn’t decide whether to blog or not. I mean it’s not just that, but I’m not sure if I want to go into detail, so I’ve ended up making a whole post out of nothing.

Sorry LOL but I did make it up by drawing a comic. That must make up for everything, doesn’t it, in our perfect little world where people don’t circulate stupid hoaxes on Facebook or neighbours don’t steal your bar stools off stupid delivery men who don’t double check who they’re delivering to.

Yes, feeling good.

Now, your turn. Share your indecision stories, big or small! If they’re funny, maybe I’ll draw a comic of them. Or not.